Chapter 3: School & Marriage
So I want to talk about “school’s” impact on significant relationships before continuing my story. I am focusing on marriage primarily because my husband is the person closest to me, and I have to come to terms with how my school involvement hurt him. But you could really insert any important relationship in to this scenario.
School spins its students into a special brand of “school-induced” denial. Our illustrious leader likens “school” to the “French Revolution”. A revolutionary does not blow off the mission due to laziness, or aimlessness — an “I don’t feel like going tonight to the super, secret strategy meeting.” or “I’d rather curl up on the couch with my spouse and watch West Wing than discuss ‘universal truths.’” Come hell or high water, a revolutionary with “sufficient valuation” shows up for this exclusive, mission-critical calling.
If I am working on myself, Any man will do
If you attend long enough, you buy into this mythology: the “I am WORKING on MYSELF!” “I am a soul AWAKENING, in the world of sleep walking men and women!”. It translates into: My awakening, due to school, can only benefit my family, my friends, my co-workers, my dog, my fish, my neighbors, their fish, Barack Obama, the Police Department, the cashier at the nearby convenient store, etc, because I am radiating fineness! I am a walking light casting shadows on the walls of the cave of darkness! Simply my presence as a woman who is ‘GROWING HER BEING’ will benefit all who come into contact with me.
You find yourself – even when every cell in you would rather stay home watching West Wing and snuggling with your spouse – justifying school’s need for your stellar attendance record and absolute silence and compliance.
Ok, I may be exaggerating somewhat (or not), but it happened to me, and my vanity glossed over the holes in the French Revolution argument; after all I was a spiritual revolutionary, a soldier marching off to war with my comrades! Really, I was driving in rush hour traffic to an old, restored, mill in Billerica, to attend “class”. The French Revolution is over. There are no enemies hiding behind corners with shotguns waiting to shoot down the heretic seeking enlightenment – thus there is no legitimate reason for the urgent attend-every-class-at-all-costs requirement, high security and secretiveness (illegitimate reasons, a plenty, but that’s another chapter).
As a “school” student, your presence at home will decrease exponentially in correspondence with the increasing, exponentially growing, super-secret, mission-critical school demands. Of course the number of secrets required also expands exponentially; for if you make certain “efforts” for “school” (i.e. recruiting new students) you cannot discuss them with those in “life”. School calls these efforts “third line of work” and touts them essential to “awaken”, to “grow a soul”, to “evolve”. So not only is your physical presence limited, school cleverly hijacks your emotional and psychological presence.
Gradually, the “secrets” required of you will insert and wedge between you and your spouse. The wedge wiggles back and forth, widening the gap with each new demand. You are emotionally and spiritually distracted, physically taxed and sleep deprived; therefore absent even when your body is home.
So, let’s step back further to get some more perspective. One of the first things Robert tells new students is that “sleeping humanity” has a skewed relationship to time. Everybody is “so busy.” He scoffs at this and says, “If you tell me you don’t have time to do this and that, I won’t believe you.”
So let’s outline school’s evolving time requirements: as a new “younger student” you disappear on Tuesdays and Thursdays between the hours of 6:30-9 or so. When deemed “ready”, you join with the “older class” which extends to say 9:45, 10:00, sometimes 10:30, 11:00 – after which you “observe the required one hour of silence” to “seal off any leaks”. I don’t know about you, but if I were to go home and “observe an hour of silence” there, my husband would find it odd. Tack on another hour. Often times during that hour I would enlighten my spirit at the McDonald’s drive through, because I’d rushed from work to class without dinner.
After being in school between three to six months, you graduate from “youngest student” to the “been here long enough” phase. One day while sitting in reverent silence awaiting the day’s lesson, a teacher will announce, “ I need to see these people.” S/he will read a list of names, including yours. The anointed will file into another room in silent anticipation and dread. Once there the teacher will say one of three things:
1) “We’re going to have a party.”
2) “Robert needs our help to grow the school. You have been chosen to embark on a very special ‘third line of work’ (congratulations!) And it only requires you to go out and make new friends.”
3) “We’re going to present a lecture/presentation and we need you to ‘invite people’.”
These three items need their own sections to flesh out the amount of “effort” and “work” required to throw a “school party”, or go out and “make new essence friends” without revealing your last name, work, home town, whether you have kids or not, own a dog, floss your teeth daily, etc., or invite friends to a “presentation” that has no title, topic, date or location. Suffice to say that you can expect to see your spouse, and or kids, or your “life” friends far less than you presently do. And guess what – they notice your absence. They feel your absence. And they feel something else — insincerity. You tell a white lie, like I’m going to meet a particular friend for coffee, when in fact you are meeting a potential new recruit, or going to a “school” meeting that falls on a Wednesday. If you know that you are telling a half-truth, or a seemingly innocuous lie, or omitting information, they feel it. The gap between you and your loved one widens some more.
For those readers “not in school”, I can hear the thought, “No shit, Sherlock”. But those of us in (or who were in) need rude awakenings to get this message. Often times we would set “aims” to do something special for our beloved. Does the quality time make up for the quantity of time missed? We begin to believe that we can control our spouse’s disappointment with a special dinner, or trip, or gift. We can’t. When the special gift or event doesn’t work and we ask our “sustainers” or “teachers” why not? We are told that if our “beings were stronger, more evolved,” if our “efforts were more sufficient” then we would soothe the savage beast. We must “work harder on ourselves”. Of course, no body states the obvious: these special and “aim-full” events don’t bring back lost time and don’t sooth the loneliness and worry. The loneliness, the worry and your absence will only increase with each passing year.
Alarms may sound but it often takes screeching sirens to shake us out of our hypnotism-induced stupors. Someone is fired. Someone’s sister, or friend, or children confronts them – “What is this thing you are going to every Tuesday and Thursday night. Are you in some kind of a cult?”
Someone loses his/her marriage.
So let me dial back to the marriages. Guess what, no matter what line you’ve been fed, your spouse is not benefiting, unless you’ve chosen to share some of the real and fine ideas that school does indeed expose one to, albeit in a rather twisted presentation. Of course, you break the code of silence when talking about these “ideas” outside of school, unless sanctioned by school – which certainly would never be the case unless you are specifically recruiting a new sheep into the fold. I’ve yet to meet a colleague who recruited a spouse.
I left school in August, and it is now February. Just shy of seven months and several hundred miles later (my husband and I drove from Massachusetts to South Carolina this August and the miles between provided a number of “Oh my God” moments) I can only conclude that school “aims” to break up marriages. Of course my post-leaving discovery that many students in the “older class” are married to each other, or married to teachers highlights this conclusion. And the further discovery that Queen Sharon – the New York branches leader and Robert’s “teacher” – arranges these marriages and breaks them up at her whim further confirms it.
When I made my decision to leave school, I didn’t know about “school marriages”. I knew that my marriage, my relationship to my soul mate – which had survived several significant losses already including parents, grandparents, jobs and homes – would not survive school. I knew I was not willing to trade him in for this institution. This realization fell on me, followed by an avalanche of others, the most important one being this:
Robert did me a huge favor when he passed on the instruction TELL YOUR HUSBAND TO MIND HIS OWN BUSINESS (insert Wizard of Oz voice here). It shook me out of my stupor. I thought, “But this is his business. If I have to tell him to ‘mind his own business’ in order to be in school, I can’t be in school.”
Later I read that Robert is (of course) married to another teacher and I kept hearing echoes of his voice saying, “I am trying to put myself in your husband’s shoes.” When I quit school, we talked on the phone. His voice heavy with disappointment he said, “It’s a terrible thing your husband has done to you.” All theater. It is easy to be “in school” when married to another attendee; you don’t have to explain the unexplainable. There are no lies to tell.
As with so many other ironies that exist within school, suddenly being available to my marriage made me awaken to it. For the last seven months, simply being home to write grocery lists with him without being exhausted or distracted took on new meaning. My gratitude for the man, our union, and the life we work towards together has only grown deeper, along side the love we have for each other.
A healthy marriage needs time and trust. School strips its students of both. Your time becomes its time. Your voice starts becoming a font of school propaganda, allowing it to continue its super, secret, critical mission to keep Sharon and Robert rich. So my hope, dear reader, is that, if nothing else, you come away from this post knowing this: nothing can make up for the time lost, except for time together. Nothing can restore trust but voicing the truth. This time, your time, is far too precious to squander away in “school”. Your truth told in your voice will ring true, thus restoring trust and providing healing.
Very nice. You write so well and your tale is fascinating to me…
I shake my head in amazement that Bob, or whomever, actually is comparing “the Work” to the French Revolution.
Despite what those who view “School” as evil from beginning to end, for me, it demonstrates just how degraded the whole sorry mess has become.
The French Revolution was the most… screwed up revolution in history. It became the gold standard for all future revolutionary mass murders and total terror… I would have thought that Bob knew that… Weird.
But, apparently, apropos.
Back “in the day,” there were no spouses who were not in “School.” The recruits were mostly single; got divorced or separated almost immediately (or were in the process); or, occasionally, a couple came in together (and, were became divorced – because one spouse was just coming because the other one was). I believe that this was a requirement at the time.
However, there were many, many “School” marriages; and divorces; and separations. And, yes, they were all largely manipulated by Sharon. Which is rather odd, from a “feminist” point of view. Men who separated from their wives were encouraged to screw around, as it were. Great deal for a guy. Not so great for their wife…
And, in retrospect, this demonstrates incredible hubris by Sharon throughout her “School” career.
There is a parable in Judaism that speaks of how G-d spends all of his “spare time” arranging marriages. A Great Queen who hears this parable from a Rabbi says to him “that can’t be so tough” and arranges all the marriages of her servants in the Kingdom. This proves an utter disaster and she realizes, in turn, the Greatness of G-d.
I do find it interesting that, although my wife and I of 32 years did meet in “School,” we actually got engaged during the brief window when “School” fled SF. And, although we then joined the “preschool” in SF, we were married before all of us “younger students” made the Great Trek to Boston to join “School.”
I seem to remember that Sharon did not approve at the time.
And, indeed, after about 2 years, she told us to separate. My dear wife was not thrilled at this idea. I complied. And, I being a rather selfish man, we stayed separated for over two years. We only rejoined after we had both been “kicked out” of “School.”
I do believe that what G-d has joined, Sharon is unable to put asunder. IMHO.
It is good that your marriage survived. I cannot imagine five years of disappearing like that. It sounds like hell.
My wife and I were only in “School” for five years and, I do not believe that our marriage would have survived that level of secrecy.
Again, thank you for writing. It is fascinating.
This is such a great blog. Thank you for your clarity and quality writing. I’m a former NY Tue/Thurs crewmember, been out for almost 3 years now. I’ll write more in future but please keep going it’s great to see. Best Regards!
Thank you Moishe & Rhylance.
Rhylance, I look forward to your future contributions!
Thank you for writing this blog. It is indeed a fresh voice. Your frankness and honesty are inspiring.
To add to your discussion about school marriages, it also seems to be a way to tie people even more closely to school. Those of us who have left while still unentangled by a school marriage know how hard it can to leave at a basic level. Add the complications of a spouse in school, whom you may still love, but will inevitably be forced to divorce. Add children who may wind up in the custody of the parent still in “school” and whom you now will have less access to. Add the financial consequences of divorce to your already shattered finances. All of these things serve to tie one incredibly tightly to school.
I am, quite frankly, in awe of those people who have left school while married to someone remaining in school. That must take an incredible amount of courage and inner conviction.
Odysseus, Thanks for your comment. You are making such a powerful point. Add another layer of manipulation … it seems endless. Here’s to that inner courage! Those of us who have left, especially those in “school marriages” do send a powerful message. That’s why “school” needs to vilify the departed.
Fantastic blog! Your perceptions and history are so clear and well-told. Reading them is reading my own experience, except dating back 25 years in NY.
I remember when the “oldest” class in Ny was younger and there was a great spate of marriages to others within school. As a younger student, I naively assumed that these people had all had the great luck to pursue mutual attractions spontaneously. A couple of years later it was easy to realize that Sharon was encouraging people to couple up, to marry, playing them beautifully depending on how much status they had with her, what they could give in either services or funds – a rich woman might date through a number of men – the one she liked might be told that marrying her was his only hope of evolution; or if he was valued also and objected he might be somehow convinced that trying a marriage or four was fine for evolving people and he should see her as someone he could “tangle” with. At any rate, almost everyone in that class was married to one another within a couple of years. Then they all started having babies (some ‘adopted’ through sharon’s personal agency, either given or taken,). Then the divorces. People who had married outside of school were usually subject to vilification and suspicion of their spouse. Very few of these marriages survived adn the school member victim might be married to someone in school. At one point They brought the Boston men into the mating procedure, bringing them to parties and work sessions at New York’s country retreat. Some matches were made this way. Almost no one who has left, who has a spouse in school, will be able to maintain their marriage. I can’t recall any case in all that I know. I know of a few people who managed for a year or two, but the choice always came down to the relationship versus school. I am so relieved and happy to see that, thank goodness, “school’s” victories in this area have diminished and more and more people are showing them what Real ‘being’ looks like.
Hi Portia, Thanks for writing. I really love the bridge that seems to be growing between these three “locations” – Boston, NY and San Fran, to fill in all the years between the late 70s and now. Please feel free to fill in those years any time!
A question for Portia, or anyone who cares to comment: what is this adoption agency? Just the thought of Sharon running such an agency gives me a stomach ache.
I have heard numerous horror stories of students being required to give up their children for adoption by other students. To the best of my knowledge, this was in the San Francisco days and in New York, but not in Boston. This is the first I have heard about Sharon having an adoption agency, however. I hope that Portia simply means “through the intervention of Sharon”. I agree that the idea of her running or in any way being involved in an adoption agency is horrific.
Is anyone able to confirm or dispel the rumor that Kathleen had Robert’s child just a small few years ago and gave it to a couple in New York?
From what I gather, Robert and Kathleen are now divorced. He just bought a bachelor pad in Brookline. Their marriage home (another condo in Brookline) was put up for sale in the last year.
I don’t think that anyone meant a real brick and mortar “adoption agency.” I do think that she has “brokered” adoptions in school – i.e. someone was pregnant who wasn’t married or didn’t want to keep the child and Sharon “arranged” for the child to go to someone else in school.
Yes, Kathleen did have Robert’s child and then gave the child to someone in NY (who has since left school, I believe.) I think in this case, Robert simply didn’t feel that he was at the stage of life where he wanted to start over again with a baby given that his three children from his previous marriage were all grown up and out of the house. I think it was a lifestyle issue more than anything else. I have heard opposing stories about Kathleen – some say she was heartbroken about having to give her child up and some say that she couldn’t wait to be rid of it. Who knows? Maybe both are true.
Wow. Even after everything I have read and heard, I still find stories like this hard to believe. He didn’t want to start over, so she agreed to give the kid to someone else. Now they are divorcing. Umm. Jesus. I don’t even know what to say. What a mess. I hope the kid wound up with a capable and loving person. It’s a good sign that s/he left the cult.
If he didn’t want another child, why didn’t he do something about it beforehand–like have a vasectomy? Or is that not allowed?
Is he required to sire more essences whose lives he can screw up?
There’s no way of knowing what instructions Robert and Kathleen may have received from Sharon. But, being told to give up one’s child to someone else in “school” is horrifyingly common. Sharon seems to use this as a means of manipulating people, tying them closer to the group. It is surprising that the adopting mother has escaped. Perhaps that child actually has a chance now.
God, I’m so glad I left this “esoteric school” with its “evolved” leadership. Best decision I’ve ever made.
There’s no way this passing around of children can be legal …. right?
This causes me to think that we may have discovered another way to shine the legal light on these people. Forget the IRS route for the moment — call investigators to look into the child-swapping. Even if it falls under some umbrella of “if everyone is in agreement,” there’s surely ONE person who’ll say they were pressured. In the meantime, all that attention.
Since I don’t have experience or exposure to the Gans adoption policy, I welcome anyone who does have it to contribute to this blog. I think it is important to expose this bizarre practice. And I really must agree with “I Will Thrive”. I wonder what the best procedure would be?
I wonder if there’s any paper trail on these transactions? How formal were the adoptions? Were state lines crossed? Lots of questions…
There was a fair amount of discussion about this on the Esoteric Freedom blog a while ago. One of the points that has been made, and I think it is an important one, is that any action taken needs to be very careful in terms of not causing further hurt to the children who were the subjects of this. Many of them are now adults, and while I have not met or communicated personally with any, I have been given to understand that there is a lot of psychological damage which they have suffered over the years.
If it is possible to find sets of parents and children who are all in agreement that coming forward is a good thing, then I think it should be done. I don’t think it is a good idea to name names without the consent of those named. While I think direct action is good for many other possible lines of attack, in this case I would urge a Hippocratic Oath approach – “First, do no harm…”
After I wrote that last comment, I had a hideous moment when it occurred to me that this line of action might result in a child being torn from the only parents he or she has known.
Robert gave ‘help’ to a new father last fall that I felt was horribly callous. Babies are only “events,” he said. And a new father can do nothing for a baby, so obviously he should be in school and not at home with his new child. It would seem that Robert at least runs his own life consistently with these principles. And, perhaps, an additional principle. Babies are not only merely events. They are disposable.
I have synthesized the content of Robert’s ‘help’ and have probably added my own spin because I found it so appalling.
I’m not sure how much spin is possible. That is appalling on so many levels. Among the worst is that not only is Robert demonstrating his status as a sociopath, he is essentially teaching that new father the ways of a sociopath. I sincerely hope that new father understands how wrong that “help” was and is able to get out, sooner rather than later.
Wow. So many thoughts. First of all, I remember, now, the discussion on esoteric freedom and I now realize that I couldn’t – at the time – take in the implications. Somehow, knowing that Robert and Kathleen gave up their child brought it all together.
Secondly, I believe I know the new father to whom Queen Lear refers and you will be relieved to know that he is one of the 13 who left in January. In fact, his foot was out the door, due very much to the “help” being doled out to him in regards to his new child and family, even before the mass exodus.
Thirdly, this is such a bizarre situation that I find it hard to imagine how legal channels would deal with it. It really is hard to know what the best course of action would be. And it would definitely have to come from one who was/is directly affected – a parent, a child, both.
I, again, come to the conclusion that I am lucky to have left when I did. I’m grateful that my husband pushed the issue.
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Robert’s “help” to the new father seems even more appalling when you know how badly screwed up his own kids are. Not that Robert necessarily *caused* the psychological and emotional problems that they have, but his callous attitude certainly doesn’t help, and neither does his total preoccupation with “school” or his willingness to constantly lie and deceive under the notion of “protecting school.”
“A new father can do nothing for a baby”?? Anyone with a minimum amount of sensitivity and common sense who’s ever had a baby knows how totally wrong and absurd this statement is. How is Robert an authority on the subject? His track record in the fatherhood department is abysmal.
Where in all of this is the evidence of “evolution”? Robert has clearly lost whatever little shreds of conscience he used to have. He has a lot to answer for.
what’s the matter with Robert’s kids?
It would be kinder to confine the discussion to Robert and leave out specifics about his or any other children, out of respect for all of the children.
I would agree.
However, these posts are certainly fascinating to me.
Some folks get a tad annoyed when I chime in on these discussions however – this whole children thing, especially the quotes attributed to Bob, does, indeed, make me think about my time spent with Bob and his then wife, Jeanine and their then, apparently imaginary (the boy I knew as Jeanine’s son, was not Jeanine’s son) children, in a different light.
They were my upstairs neighbors, for Jimininy Cricket’s Sake! I babysat their kids. I commiserated with Bob because his son wasn’t Jewish and he was losing part of his heritage. I lent/borrowed “a cup of sugar” to Jeanine. I chastised their son for writing dirty words on walls an, once, for encouraging two younger kids to “play doctor” (he was actually a pretty decent kid). I got drunk with Bob discussing marriage and children – from a normal “guy” point of view, having nothing to do with “the Work.”
It’s all just so odd and creepy as you all write about it.
And – it makes me think that Bob is incredibly good at hiding his deep misery over Life, the Universe and Everything. He is, apparently, very good at compartmentalizing the Dark Side and trying not to show it.
You all are, apparently justifiably, deeply angry with Bob and Sharon, et al.
I am deeply saddened that those with so much potential to really shine and do good, have been trapped by their own inner demons and, as all the “teachers” in “School” always explained – Life is never stagnant – you are either spiraling upwards or downwards – they have been spiraling downwards for a long, long time.
And, for all those whose anger runs deep at my blithe acceptance of my belief that they did not intend to “do evil” so long ago – they were apparently in their downward spiral even then.
(“And yet it moves.” Even so – No one believes that they are out to “do evil.” We all believe that we are doing good. Even the worst people in history.)
I just started scrolling through the comments that follow the Martin Luther King quote: “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” There are more than 60 of comments as I write this.
Some of the events detailed there are alluded to in moishe3rd’s post. They may have happened 30+ years ago, but they are deeply disturbing even today. I believe they demonstrate Robert’s apparently life-long pattern of disregard for others, particularly children, even his own.
I’m one of those who left the Boston school in January and have only been looking at esotericfreedom for a few weeks. There’s so much here. I am so glad that I only lasted not quite two years. But I wish that I’d left before I gave them any money at all.
I personally have not talked to any of the grown children of cult members, but I‘ve heard many anecdotes about specific children in Boston and know it must be the same for the New York offspring. Here are some generalizations of what I’ve heard: A large number of children of the most active students in the cult ( i.e. the teachers, the best recruiters, the ones giving the lecture series) have been neglected and have significant emotional scars from their childhood. A good number of these children have attempted or threatened suicide at some point in their young lives and several have debilitating emotional problems.
What is particularly disturbing to me is that I know their parents. I saw them every Tuesday and Thursday night for 20+ years. Their parents are good people. They would never intentionally do anything to harm their children emotionally or psychologically. This includes Robert, Jeannine, and Kathleen. But grave harm has been done, none the less.
The implicit message these children grew up with is that “school” is more important to their parents than they are. The children were raised by a series of nannies and babysitters. Their parents worked during the day and spent nights and weekends on classes, recruiting, researching, writing and rehearsing lectures, working on life aims, preparing for class, preparing for Christmas parties, on weekend retreats or summer retreats in Montana. The parents were up late several nights a week and were sleep deprived when they were home. The parents didn’t have the time or energy to properly nurture their children.
The parents drank the same Koolaid many of us did: That a rightly ordered life is like a 3 storied house. That one’s Religion and Aspiration orders the second and third stories of Sex and Family and Work and Money. And you must make your aims at all costs. The sleight of hand being that Religion and Aspiration = work for “school”. All the “work for school” and “aims for “school“ primarily benefit Sharon. More students recruited means more revenue flowing to Sharon. Physical exhaustion and sleep deprivation = better brainwashing opportunities for Sharon. Free improvements to Real Estate = increases in Asset values for Sharon. The commitment of time, energy, money and devotion to school is huge among those in the inner circles. Of course there are repercussions to this, and the spouses and children bear the brunt of it.
Some of us eventually woke up enough to see what was really going on and we left the group. Others are still stuck and under the spell, including Robert, Jeannine and Kathleen. Case in point is Robert who recently gave the help about a new baby being an “event”, and being in class is more important. He was merely preaching what he himself practices. Robert has consistently puts Sharon and “school” first, before his family, before the best interests of his wives at the time, before the emotional needs of his children. And this sad excuse of a man is in the position of “teacher”. The “teaching” he has to offer is grossly distorted, warped and corrupt. Anyone currently in the group should seriously question any help given by any of the teachers. There is no love in this group. Beware.
Like SF student says, I, too, think anyone in the group who has children should run for the door. The credo that “School is the ordering principle above all else” is a very dangerous and cult like form of thinking. The pressure in the group to conform to this line of thought and action is extreme. Don’t be sucked in or seduced by it – just leave, with no explanation. Get the hell out of Dodge. I’m sure they’re using seductive rhetoric to hold the flock together – romantic notions like “ ‘school’ is a point of light in a darkening world” Don’t buy into it. Just leave. Love and nurture your children, and the world will be a better place because of it.
River of Joy. At least your post has re-established in my mind that I am not completely crazy – the “School” of yesteryear that my wife and I were in was, indeed, different from what has been going on since that time. (I write at the risk of another enraged former student telling me what an ass I must be… C’est la vie.)
Why would I ascertain such a thing.
Because – the “3 storied House” you write of – Is Upside Down!
Really.
We were taught (and thus it is written in one of the books – either Nicoll or Collns) that – obviously – the House is Ordered from the Foundation – Work and Money. Sex and Family can only be developed on a Firm Foundation. And, the Third Story, Religion and Aspiration, cannot be achieved without the first two Stories being in Order.
This is what “the Work” taught and – this is what we were “taught” by our “teachers” who happen to be the same Cast of Characters that are currently reversing their “Teaching”
Ahh… how the Mighty have fallen…
(This is my visceral reaction – how the Mighty have fallen. It’s a quote from King David lamenting over the death of Johnathan, son of Saul. That’s how I feel when I read about what “School” and my former teachers have become…)
I continue to be … well, struck speechless by the child-swapping. It’s one thing to get sucked into a cult, it’s another thing to know how it has hurt completely innocent children. And that Robert, our fearless leaders, preaches this practice.
Hi moishe3rd! I’m glad to see your posts on this blog. I’m not surprised that the idea of a three story house has been literally turned upside down from the original teaching of it. I don’t recall seeing that idea in any of the work books, do you know where I could find it? I’d like to read the original version of it for myself. Thank you in advance!
We recently moved and I got rid of all my “Work” books about a year ago.
If it was Collins, I do not recall which book. If it was Nicoll, it would have been in his “Commentaries.”
Hey – it’s only five volumes comprised of short talks… There shouldn’t be more than a few thousand talks by Nicoll…
Sorry.
I remember a student who got pregnant (by someone outside of the cult) and she was given a lot of “help” to give the child up for adoption. I felt so bad–she seemed so conflicted. The child would have been biracial, and, in retrospect (knowing what I know about this group that I didn’t know back then), I’m pretty sure would not have been given away to a cult couple. I remember her saying, “It could be my only chance to have a black baby.” She really seemed to want to keep it. I bet if she was given different help and support she would have kept the child. The child is probably college-age now.
I am a real book lover and have kept all of my Work books. Probably have every book written by Nicoll, Collins, Ouspensky, Orage, and Gurdjieff, as well as all of Alex’s plays, and a manuscript version of poems by Ana Logan, the wife of Rodney Collins. I even have a separate volume which is an index to Nicoll’s Commentaries. I just went though the indexes and tables of contents to as many books as have them. Nothing on the three storied house. I do absolutely remember this idea, as Moishe3rd laid it out. I have a dim memory that we might have been told it was not written down, but was an oral teaching. But this was long ago and far away, so I’m not sure.
What a trip through memory lane that was. I still had book jackets on a number of my Work books. It was satisfying to take off the covers.
And, I will therefore stand corrected. It has been a looonng time. However, I do remember the diagram of the three story house. It was a common subject of discussion.
Now, thinking about it, it makes sense that we discussed the “House” from the Foundation upwards.
Bob and the rest of the “older students” were all coming off the sixties, as were the rest of us in the late ’70’s and early ’80’s.
We were “bums” who couldn’t even make a decent living – which was often true, and so the whole focus of spiritual aspirations would have been Work and Money. Gotta work; gotta have money to pay “School.”
And then, based on what y’all seem to be writing, we ARE all currently the same age as what seems to be most “students” now. In other words – we were all in our 20’s with the “older students” (Bob et al) being in their 30’s at the most. Which meant that almost no one was married when they joined “School.” Which meant that those who were married were not allowed to join – period, unless their spouse also joined.
So, dealing with, or establishing “Sex and Family” was also considered crucial to building the “House” to get to the Third Story.
And, there was a lot of “Sex and….” going on.
I think that we were in “School” because of our strong identification with “Religion and Aspiration.” We didn’t need that reverse ordering. We usually had no marriage and family and were perfectly happy to deal with sex; we had no work and money and “School” propelled us on that course; but we were part of the great unwashed masses who were striving for religions and aspirations…
– If its all right with Gentle Souls – I am leaving my seldom written on blog address here – http://lifeisbeautifulallthetime.blogspot.com/ – if any old people want to contact me… I have the strange notion that if my email address is there in my profile – it is not as susceptible to spambots than if I just leave it here… I could be wrong.
Hey Blogsters, I’m simply writing to thank all of you contributors. I really love how all of these different voices are piecing this puzzle called “school” together. Keeping people and information siloed and separate is such a big part of “things’ tactics … without the secrecy, it wouldn’t exist. So the more we come together and expose, the less likely it will be that “school” will be able to continue as it has. Thanks for sharing the info on the 3-story house. So interesting that the idea’s been inverted — pretty much says it all,doesn’t it! Well, keep writing! I’m struggling through Chapter 4, but it’s getting closer.
Thank you Moishe and SF student for attempting to find the reference in the work books to the 3 story house. I am fairly sure the idea is not in the books at all, I was in the group for 24 years, and over that course of time we reread almost all of the workbooks at least twice. The commentaries were generally not talked about in class, but were reserved for retreats. It’s possible it could be in one of Commentaries, but if SF Student went through the Commentary Index, so it’s unlikely.
In fairness, I should mention that we were taught that Work and Money and Sex and Family were the necessary foundations for the Three story house. However, the emphasis in class was it one’s religion and aspirations that ordered the other two stories, and therefore work for the benefit of “school” should take precedence over all else.
I now understand that being so secretive with one’s intimate partner, and many other elements of cult life, are unhuman.
I was a “student” in “school” in New York City for less than a year more than 25 years ago. A few months ago, I finally realized through the help of a good friend (who had been in a cult for many years) and esotericfreedom.com (along with other sites) that I had been part of a cult. Before then, I had not spoken about it to anyone, attempted to contact any “students” or former “students”, or attempted to find out anything about our “school”.
( My experience is described briefly here: http://esotericfreedom.blogspot.com/2011/12/darkness-cannot-drive-out-darkness-only.html?showComment=1333002200760#c4712242997046606667 )
I have begun to realize the extent to which many aspects of cult life and cult ideas disconnect us from our humanity. They are the things which are supposedly meant to help us evolve, mature, grow, and in general make us better, more complete human beings. But they actually have the opposite effect.
I have started a list of these unhealthy, unhuman things that may be imposed upon people in “school” and other cultic environments (including many institutions, relationships, and other situations that most people would not label as “cultic”).
UNHUMAN THINGS:
(1) being secretive/mysterious about your cult-related activities to your spouse (or partner who you are supposed to be emotionally intimate with)
This was a big thing in “school”, as we had all agreed not to acknowledge the existence of “school” to anyone outside the group (with the exception of giving some very general and somewhat cryptic information to the people we had been trying to entice to join the cult).
A close friend of mine is a woman with whom I was in a relationship more than 25 years ago for a few months in the middle of my cult experience. It was not until the end of 2011 that I myself realized I had been in a cult so long ago, and it was only a few weeks ago that I had a long conversation with this woman in which I told her about what I had been involved in back then. During this recent conversation she told me that my secretive/mysterious “bullshit” had been one of the main reasons why she had ended the relationship. I now understand that while I had been in the cult, my head had apparently been stuck so far up my ass that I had been oblivious to the fact that my secrecy had been bothering her.
(I also just learned from her about other reasons why she had ended the relationship, and two of the main ones were about my behaviors that had directly resulted from my cult “education”.)
( continued in next post … )
( … continued from previous post )
(2) suppressing (and/or not expressing) your sexuality (for example, suppressing your sexual orientation), and having your sexuality controlled in other ways
(3) not questioning the behavior/motivations of the teacher/guru
(4) not questioning the truth of the cult’s doctrines
(5) the idea that “It is more important to understand than to be understood.”
I know that many people would consider it to be a good thing for us to act in accordance with this principle, but I am going to be somewhat controversial and say that this idea is unhuman because it lacks balance. This is an idea which had been “taught” to me that I had bought into, and I believe that it has, for the most part, had an unhealthy effect on the last quarter century of my life. It has hindered my ability to communicate with people, and thereby interfered with the formation and growth of my relationships with people. Ironically, trying to incorporate this principle into my life has often made me less able to truly understand others.
I have reasons to believe that “It is just as important to understand as it is to be understood.” would be a more healthy and balanced statement for us to digest.
[ My friend who I had known before becoming a “student” and who has been helping me “wake up” had been in a cult in Europe for 23 years. The following examples are based on her experiences: ]
(6) not expressing affection/love for people
(7) not grieving
(8) distancing yourself from your family
(9) not doing fun things (for example, not going to movies, concerts, etc.)
* Writing this list has helped me to more easily differentiate between healthy and unhealthy attitudes and ideas. Would anyone like to contribute some more examples and/or insights?
Greetings and welcome Chasing Bear Phoenix:
Thank you for your comments and insight. It’s really something to see the psychological impact of betrayal. I think you said a lot of really great things in your post and I would like to highlight the unhealthiness of secrets. When I first joined “school” there was something very seductive and delicious about my “secret” world — the evolved one that floated above “life”. Shortly after I left in August and an avalanche of truth fell on my head, I implemented a personal policy: NO MORE SECRETS.
Those secrets were eating away at my soul and therefore everything else, too. Secrets are shackles. They only lead to more secrets and in order to keep secrets, one has to lie. The more secrets, the more lies. And, you are right, these cult-related secrets can do nothing but come between you and a partner. I like how you use the word “un-human”. School turns its students into school machines — or at least it tries. It has no regard for humanity.
[…] I really appreciate your contributions here. And your note on the Cult Confessions blog about how cult life and cult ideas disconnect us from our humanity and leads to unhuman behavior is excellent. Good food for thought. Thank you. Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the […]
The idea of a the three-story house appears in Vol. 6 of “Psychological Commentaries on the Teaching of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky”
by Maurice Nicoll. I don’t know what it says bc I only looked it up on google. You can find it in the index here:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/53246012/Psychological-Commentaries-on-the-Teaching-of-Gurdjieff-and-Ouspensky-Volume-6-Nicoll