Back in the 70s, the Moonies recruited 17-year old Diane Benscoter; her family managed to get her out through using the system in place at the time — deprogramming.
She went on to become a deprogrammer; but then she was arrested for kidnapping. Twenty years after this series of events, she asked herself these questions: how did this happen to me? What happened to my brain? Her book, Shoes of a Servant, explores her experience.
I have asked myself the same question, as have many of my “school” colleagues. In this TEDTalk, Benscoter explains how memes become viral, moving from brain to brain, infecting the thinking of those who are susceptible for whatever reason. She says, “… easy ideas to complex questions become very appealing when you are emotionally vulnerable.” Circular logic takes over thought process and becomes impenetrable, creating an us vs. them, good vs. evil, ethos.
When I look back on my “school days”, I recall a slew of memes: we don’t know ourselves, we are not unified, we are multiplicities; ask for help; self-remembering; self sensing; seal yourself off; school rules; what is your valuation for “school”?; a man or woman cannot do; internal considering vs. external considering; identification; 5-Week Aim; What is your AIM?”; “your AIM is your God”; “When you are working on yourself, any man or woman will do”; “As long as you are working, it doesn’t matter what you do”; etc. etc. etc.
Cult experts call the above examples loaded language — a group assigns new meanings to words, encouraging black-and-white thinking. Educating myself about cult techniques reminds me how malleable humans can be in any given moment. I see that my fellow “school” mates were simply well-intended souls, seeking meaning, who simply got caught in the “school” lexicon/matrix — including the so-called “teachers” (although I would guess that some are more culpable than others).
For, as it turns out, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. While individual participants may have had the best intentions, we were unwittingly participating in the fantasy world of one woman, as highly evolved leader of a “secret esoteric school”.
Speaking of memes, “school” loves to quote Shakespeare: all the world’s a stage. All the men and women in “school” play their parts to the AIM of propping up one woman’s delusions of grandeur, retirement and properties, to the detriment of everything else. To think that, for the majority of my tenure, I barely knew that she existed, while “school” funneled the lion’s share of my $350/monthly tuition to her.
Hi There and a Happy New year,
This is my first comment on this this insightful and informative blog. Thanks so much for creating it and maintaining it.
I was in school from about 1984-1987, and for many years after continued to be affected by both the positive and negative experiences I had there. Over the years I’ve occasionally checked internet sources regarding this group and it’s history, as my curiosity gets piqued due to some life event or another. Most surprising to me is how it continues in one form or another for so long? I can’t honestly imagine any individual new to the school obeying a directive NOT to use the web to research and discover some of these truths revealed here and elsewhere, and still get sucked in. But I certainly had a dozen or more red flags from day one and continued on……so….not to judge I guess.
As I’ve been reading this site and all the comments and back and forth, many things have struck me. But my main take away is really how little animosity is being expressed for older students and teachers other than Alex, Sharon and Robert. I know when I left I was pretty upset at some fellow students and specific older students who either didn’t come to my defense, or joined in a certain piling on…..
That anger didn’t last very long, as I realized pretty quickly after leaving, how programmed I had become, and how we all were victimized by a school structure which seemed to demand that to rise up (or be enlightened, awake, whatever), you had to step on someone else and push them down.
So I think it quite positive and healing that….. from what I’ve read so far….. there is a realization that even those in the group who may have been higher ups, and complicit in running this school and sustaining it for so long, were also its victims and perhaps even more so.
I don’t have any regrets regarding coming to “school”, as it absolutely was an experience that brought me some quick growth. Then it started to rot and got quite weird as more and more the reality of what was going on at the top and core became revealed. I certainly had some unique experiences, but honestly have never been able to relate these to anyone else in my life since then. The language and understanding of what this group was about just don’t translate for me, so I have long since given up trying to explain to family or friends that yes, I was in a cult.
So just as school had instructed not to “leak”, that trying to explain school ideas to others was counterproductive and…..well just not too possible, I’ve kept these experiences to myself all these years. So it’s very nice to have this source to read about a common core event between so many people who were there before and after me.
And if I have the courage and memory I can relate what it was like being a gay man in a Sharon Gans school. For now, we’ll just say….not so good:)
When I was first recruited my two sustainers? didn’t do the best job explaining the rules. In particular, they left out the no drugs part. And when I first began there was also no rule that you had to be in school for a certain time before attending a class with Sharon or Alex (later changed).
So during my first month or so we were to have a class with Sharon, and for that I took about a half a hit of LSD and walked to class from my house nearby. OK, maybe not the smartest idea. But it was my way of “preparing” to meet this woman who Robert and all the other students had been talking about in holier than thou terms.
Tripping does not good articulation make, so I said nothing until near the end of class when Robert asked me if there was anything I wanted to ask Sharon. I mumbled something about homosexuality (duh), and Sharon responded that male homosexuality “was really about having contempt for women.”
Why I didn’t immediately run a thousand miles from her and this group has been with me for some time. I knew this was false for me, in my life, having so many wonderful woman friends, my great mom and sister, boss, etc…..I saw Sharon then as a bullshitter and a false prophet if you will…..but I stuck around for too long.
Or, maybe not. Maybe I stayed and then got kicked out right at the correct time for me.
And maybe I’ve found this blog at the right time to reflect on this past event as I have some choices to make fairly soon about money and work…..two areas where I found school to be most informative.
Thanks again for this forum.
Hi John,
Thank you for your thoughtful comment and for reading the blog. I’m so glad you are finding it helpful. I had a couple of responses here …
“…Then it started to rot and got quite weird as more and more the reality of what was going on at the top and core became revealed. I certainly had some unique experiences, but honestly have never been able to relate these to anyone else in my life since then. The language and understanding of what this group was about just don’t translate for me, so I have long since given up trying to explain to family or friends that yes, I was in a cult.”
I feel very fortunate that — because of the esoteric freedom website/blog — I was able to find and speak to my fellow disgruntled(s) fairly soon after waking up to my “school” duping. It really helps and heals to speak about it with someone, and, yes it is very difficult to do so with those who have not lived it — almost impossible to explain the weirdness.
Since I’ve made a crusade out of exposing my experience and this group and cults in general, I’ve now told all of the important people in my life and I can’t tell you how free it makes me. No more secrets. But, not everyone has this luxury. Even one confident can help and I am — of course — available to speak with you if you feel the need. You can contact me through GSR@cultconfessions.com.
Perhaps there are some readers out there who shared the classroom with you and would be willing to speak with you as well.
” … Sharon responded that male homosexuality “was really about having contempt for women.”
Why I didn’t immediately run a thousand miles from her and this group has been with me for some time. I knew this was false for me, in my life, having so many wonderful woman friends, my great mom and sister, boss, etc…..I saw Sharon then as a bullshitter and a false prophet if you will…..but I stuck around for too long.”
Yep, we all stayed too long.
Thank you for sharing this b/c I think the new millennium Boston branch kept the homophobia under wraps, so I never witnessed it first hand. It’s really important to expose this ugly underbelly. Secondly, I congratulate you for recognizing Sharon a fraud — the fact that you were tripping may have either helped, or makes you especially impressive 😉
Sharon’s presence made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end; she appeared one night (I was still a “youngest student”) and no one explained who this woman was as she strode into the Boston “classroom” on Robert’s arm and “took our questions”. I thought to myself, “Who is this mental patient and why is everyone acting so weird?” And still I stayed on … we didn’t see her very often. At that point, perhaps Boston had learned to keep her at a distance. I was looking for something and I stayed on, believing more in Robert; what a shame to realize I’d put my faith and hope in a con man. But … that’s why I stayed, and I would guess there was something in you that was seeking something. If you were in Boston, your exposure to the queen was probably fairly limited. You can let me know if that’s not the case.
“And if I have the courage and memory I can relate what it was like being a gay man in a Sharon Gans school. For now, we’ll just say….not so good:) ”
If you feel inclined, I would welcome you to share this here — either as a comment, or a guest post. Again, I think it’s important to expose this bigotry. People think they are in some kind of evolved “school” — let’s disavow them of that fallacy.
Congrats for your departure — whatever the circumstances and Happy 2015/”school”-free life to you!
Hope to see your comments again!
GSR
Thank you John–
The “school” and homosexuality– that’s definitely a chapter by itself, at least. As a study on how cults (and specifically Gans & Horn) use sexual identity as a weapon to keep people in line and off balance, sanctify their own bigotry and attitudes stemming from their own sexual confusion/fear through “the Work” — I will supply some Alex & Sharon anecdotes from the SF days, if you’re interested. — Dave Archer relates some of his experiences in “Supping with Alex”– a fairly horrific one at that. I never witnessed anything as violent or directly destructive but a prevalent party line concerning gays was always present and encouraged (the word “faggot” was tossed around– a LOT). There were exceptions to this as well, which I’ll also relate.
One hint: I think SF’s large gay community , was very useful to Gans & Horn.
Maybe deconstructing these weird episodes will give more insight into their methods and psychology.
“I will supply some Alex & Sharon anecdotes from the SF days, if you’re interested. — Dave Archer relates some of his experiences in “Supping with Alex”– a fairly horrific one at that.”
Thanks, Brad! I would definitely be interested in these anecdotes.
For those who haven’t experienced Dave Archer, here’s the link if you can stand it: http://www.davearcher.com/alex.html
Disturbing, but he can also be quite hilarious … read at your own risk.
Thanks for the referral to Dave Archer’s site. Compared to his Hunter Thompson-style tales of early school, my three years seems like “school-lite”. When I first was recruited I don’t think there were such tight requirements to screen out people on the basis of income, connections to law enforcement, marital status, gays, etc.
I think they might have been on type of expansion in fact …..there were about 30-50 “younger” students and perhaps 20-30 “older” students, and new folks seemed to come in almost weekly. (And leave. It seemed like half of every class was spent on some soul crushing exit).
I had told my “sustainer” before starting that I was gay. But there began my most painful school experiences as I certainly came out to the wrong group. I was in a bad place at the time, new to town, “new” to be ready to announce my sexuality, very unsure of myself, afraid, and unfortunately full of a lot of self doubt and low self esteem. I, unfortunately for me, let it be known that I wasn’t happy to be gay. These were some different times, and my curiosity to be involved in a group such as this, led by a charismatic leader, exploring the universe of thought, trumped any misgivings I had. Sort of like being asked onto a spaceship and be away! when where you were at the time wasn’t so great. Where else were you going to find that during a Ronald Reagan Presidency I ask you? So off I went on my little voyage. My sustainer of course went and told all to Robert and the older students so right off my sexuality became my tour de force, my “weakness?”, although never spelled out that way. Besides singing on a bus or whatever shocks we were instructed to take on at the time, Roberts plan for me was a little experiment where I was to rent a hotel room and hire a prostitute. Twice.
I never had it explained to me why gay people couldn’t “do” this “work”. I know it was asked once why there were no black people in school and the answer I remember was that it wasn’t “their way” (to enlightenment?), that they had other “ways”. This actually wasn’t a foreign concept to me. I had come back from India a few years prior having studied the political and religious thought of Gandhi who (rough paraphrasing here) said that one should seek God through the religion one had been born into.
But off I went to the Long Wharf Marriott and lets just say Experiment #1 didn’t “take”. Utter embarrassing disaster. And when, a few nights later, Door Number Two opened, I was greeted with…..”Hey, don’t I know you? Don’t you work at ______ restaurant owned by the guy who owns the place I work at?” Yikes.
So I got an A for effort but, yeah. I should say that while I’ve seen Robert called a con man here, he never struck me as such. At the time I believe he was truthfully following what he saw as a calling. I’d call him sincere, he certainly was to me. And, he had a good sense of humor. But I pretty much was left alone at that and continued on but always in the younger group. I think there were a lot of us there who came twice a week for whom school sucked up the income and let us be. Pretty pathetic to pay good money for a school meant to push you to extremes, but for me, I took on other tasks….the work aims, the money aims, they held me together and allowed my retention to a point where enough was enough and off I went in a rather murky cloud of dusk one evening.
In fact most of what I remember about school had a certain Gang-That-Couldn’t-Shoot-Straight atmosphere. The fact that no one had explained the rules to me in the beginning and I ended up tripping my ass off for the first class with Sharon….to so many other things big and small. At the time I was there the two older teacher/students under Bob were Geoff and Lou. I came to class one night and Geoff was livid at me. “Where’s Bob? You were supposed to pick up BOB!!!!” Well, that would have required that someone tell me in advance that A) I needed to pick up Bob, and B) Where Bob lived. There was a time when the younger class was given an assignment that directly contradicted another assignment. The men did whatever-number-line-of-work by playing basketball every Sunday at 6AM at the Arlington Boys and Girls Club. The school basketball method was a certain Bob Cousey dribble low make yourself small fairly unorthodox and perhapsnotwickedsmart basketball style. I actually enjoyed these male/bondage mornings but on one occassion the guys who used the gym after us asked if we wanted to play a game. Wez got creamed. But for me the silliest school screw ups related to the secrecy issue itself.
At the time we had moved into the Somerville location, next to The Paddock Restaurant, a huge space that the older students had put an enormous amount of energy (and sleep deprived daysdyasdays) fixing up. It had huge windows looking out onto some apartments across the parking lot. In the beginning, the younger class would descend on The Paddock, our newly-instructed-to-be-covered Gurgeiff books in hand. But as we stood out like a sore thumb in this neighborhood bar, that became off limits. And on many occasions we remembered, but on many did not, to close the curtains for body work. So here we were, this secret school, whirling and spinning away-till-ya-pucked in front of the neighbors eye level hanging out smoking butts thinking….what exactly? Then of course add a few, to few too many New England Retail Express Mercedes trucks parked in a residential neighborhood, and I don’t think there were many East Somerville locals who didn’t think something was up with this group.
Near the end of my stay, Sharon and Alex had come up for a class which I don’t believe Bob attended. At the time there was a student named Tim who was being groomed for the big time, and had just gotten engaged to a woman from the New York group. (My sarcastic, “So…..how did you guys meet?” question didn’t go over well. I felt so sorry for Tim he was such a sweet guy. But the class was a disaster, S+A had come up to kick out Lou and Geoff, in a spectacular kind of pre-orchestrated bullshit session.
Geoff’s wife stayed in school and at the end of one class shortly after, came to me in a panic that she had locked her keys in her car. “Geoff is going to kill me”, she said. Continuously. “GeoffisgoingtoKILLME. I was a car guy, I ran a parking lot, I had a tool to open cars but it always wasn’t easy. We went over the options….leave the car overnight, get a ride from so and so, get the car towed, (call triple A?). But all ended in Geoffisgoingtokill me, so outside we went, and I with my buglarious tool, am working on a Volvo wagon when what doth mine eyes doth see but a Somerville Police cruiser pulling up along side. I am a good bullshitter. Just having a slice at the Paddock, happen to have this tool legally, about to call my friend Anthony C. at _____towing company a Somerville semi-wannabe mafia run tow shop, dropped some names, and all is going well until …….here comes M. walking up to me after class looking to pay me money back from so and so, and this person comes over and the cop is …….”Do you belong to that weird group who meet upstairs?” OK so no, just getting a slice, etc., off they go.
But damage done. The next class my head was on the plate and what Dave Archer called part family part lynch mob had me in their sights. For “flagging down a cop”, for endangering school, for breaking secrecy (wait what secrecy what about the neighbors, the trucks, the pizza place, the whatever. For not protecting Geoff’s wife? Yikes. But I was done.
I did have that fear of leaving that had so often been described…..that life outside school meant you’d be living and dying like a dog. That the spiral where you were either going up or down would be heading down for me. And I was surprised and shocked to have continuing visits from older students at my workplace encouraging me to come back and “leave properly”. But I knew what those sessions were like. The older group had recently come back from a retreat and all the men had strangely abandoned belts and all were wearing suspenders. And I noticed that a few of the older students were continuing to do this thing with there hands….like a Hindu statue…the mudra….holding their thumb and forefinger together when talking…..but yeah, you’re my age and you move furniture all day. So, yeah, cult. Hello. Again no regrets, no pain no gain, and I am fine and have done well and perhaps am more of a cat person than the dog they envision leaves school.
Thanks, John! This is great stuff! I want to respond to everything, but will show some restraint. Here are some responses, though:
“I was in a bad place at the time, new to town, ‘new’ to be ready to announce my sexuality, very unsure of myself, afraid, and unfortunately full of a lot of self doubt and low self esteem. I, unfortunately for me, let it be known that I wasn’t happy to be gay. These were some different times, and my curiosity to be involved in a group such as this, led by a charismatic leader, exploring the universe of thought, trumped any misgivings I had. Sort of like being asked onto a spaceship and be away! when where you were at the time wasn’t so great. Where else were you going to find that during a Ronald Reagan Presidency I ask you?”
I’ll bet most school inductees have a parallel version of this … G.W. Bush was the president during my initial recruitment. 😉 That was depressing enough to make a cult look like a good idea!
“Besides singing on a bus or whatever shocks we were instructed to take on at the time, Roberts plan for me was a little experiment where I was to rent a hotel room and hire a prostitute. Twice.”
At this point, I’ve heard about all these “shocks” a number of times … during my tenure these “shocks”, i.e. humiliating “instruction” were the exception rather than the rule. There was the time Sharon made one of her royal appearances and “instructed” a male classmate to “go work as a garbage collector”. He was definitely NOT up for that and it was really cruel, but at the time, I believed “school” was “helping” him. How twisted. It does seem like these fabricated “shocks” were more common back in the day.
But that is an aside to the main point — the main point is that Robert’s instruction to you to hire a prostitute is … well … gosh, which adjective do I choose … so “evolved”! Go pay a woman to have sex with you to shock yourself out of being gay. Ummm. Yea, I just don’t know where to start … heinous seems like a good place … cruel … repulsive … something only a sociopath would do …
“At the time I was there the two older teacher/students under Bob were Geoff and Lou. I came to class one night and Geoff was livid at me. “Where’s Bob? You were supposed to pick up BOB!!!!” Well, that would have required that someone tell me in advance that A) I needed to pick up Bob, and B) Where Bob lived.”
You mean you weren’t advanced enough to read their minds???
“But for me the silliest school screw ups related to the secrecy issue itself.
At the time we had moved into the Somerville location, next to The Paddock Restaurant, a huge space that the older students had put an enormous amount of energy (and sleep deprived daysdyasdays) fixing up. It had huge windows looking out onto some apartments across the parking lot. In the beginning, the younger class would descend on The Paddock, our newly-instructed-to-be-covered Gurgeiff books in hand. But as we stood out like a sore thumb in this neighborhood bar, that became off limits. And on many occasions we remembered, but on many did not, to close the curtains for body work. So here we were, this secret school, whirling and spinning away-till-ya-pucked in front of the neighbors eye level hanging out smoking butts thinking….what exactly? Then of course add a few, to few too many New England Retail Express Mercedes trucks parked in a residential neighborhood, and I don’t think there were many East Somerville locals who didn’t think something was up with this group.”
Thanks for making me laugh! This is classic “school”. I couldn’t think of a better illustration of cultic lunacy … well, maybe the Y2K story (http://cultconfessions.com/2014/07/16/y2k-in-school/) It’s still my favorite, I must admit.
“I did have that fear of leaving that had so often been described…..that life outside school meant you’d be living and dying like a dog.”
I couldn’t help but return to your story … if my “school”-less life, as it is right now, is akin to “dying like a dog” and my “school”-days were exemplary of “evolution”, I’ll take the “dying like a dog’ any day. At least I get to live my own life while sliding down the slippery slope to “hell”.
The “GeoffisgoingtoKILLME”/Somerville Policeman story … the … “all the men had strangely abandoned belts and all were wearing suspenders. And I noticed that a few of the older students were continuing to do this thing with there hands….like a Hindu statue…the mudra….holding their thumb and forefinger together when talking…..”
It might rival Y2K for my affections … I’m not sure. I might have to take this comment and fashion it into a post, so it can have the place of prominence it deserves … let me know if you are cool with that.
Thanks, again, John!
Hi Again,
Sure no problem to post. I wish I were a little better at remembering and definitely better at writing. My paragraph regarding understanding the reasoning as to why school prohibited black students was awkward, I didn’t mean to imply that I agreed with it. Only that the way that “school” rules were often explained had a certain “reasonableness” in their explanation. I know the question of where the school tuition went and for what purpose was one of my first questions, and I heard it repeated many times as new students arrived. Whatever the loaded language of the explanation, it either worked for me or I/we must have become so complacent or tired of hearing the same response that eventually I gave up caring I suppose. Something about you only value what you must pay for rings true. (A statement that rings true and doesn’t answer the question.)
I do remember that “shocks” were a constant form of “experiment” during my tenure. It often seemed that a prescriptive go-out-and-do-so-and-so was the instruction for many students as they brought up problems/issues in their lives. We all, I think, had to do the experiment of singing on a bus. To get on a public bus, and sing a song out loud in public. I flunked at this in spite a more than a few miles logged going no where on a T bus…..this was to have been a self-observation exercise.
There was a month or so where the younger students had to get second or third jobs and work 80 hours a week. (I think it was a month, maybe longer?) Besides working a professional job I washed dishes in a restaurant, and took on some hours in another students business. That’s when I realized the no-fraternization policy seemed to be so liquid. A lot of the women started working for older students doing house cleaning….everyone was working with each other to make up hours here and there. It was all about pushing yourself and sometimes doing extreme things, sometimes outrageous exercises. Another one I remember being repeated twice was given to folks who may have seemed “up tight” or whatever…..I think it had a basis in Marx brothers…..to go into a restaurant and order soup, and when the waiter wasn’t looking they were to drop a fly in the soup and then make a big exaggerated public fuss and storm out…..presumably observing oneself…..ha.
Again never graduating beyond a younger student I didn’t get the full brute force of what was being thrust upon older students. I do remember seeing a few sleep deprivation experiments thrust upon them, particularly the work to build the Somerville “school” site. Our first class in the new space was sad in the amount of exhaustion in the room. Singing (or not singing) on a bus, carrying dead flies into dinner out, was quirky funny stuff, but I know of one friend who wrecked his car on Storrow Drive at that point. Another told me rather proudly that he had been hallucinating on I-93 while driving his Retail Express Truck due to lack of sleep and exhaustion. Even for the younger students I know lack of sleep was a constant, and not just during the 80 hour work week…..class would often go till early in the morning regularly…..then Sunday morning basketball and other required school stuff. There was an assignment to read Tales of Beelzebub not once but three times through consecutively. We organized reading parties just to get together to stay awake and read that dense crazy book. Yikes.
I was in and out for 20 years, from SF to Boston. I remember one of my returning times was to the Somerville Place. Did not help build it but believe I was there for the next iteration in Woburn. I definitely remember the two jobs and the flies in the soup and the singing on the bus. And other stuff. In order to “remember ourselves” we also fell down so an ambulance could be called and then walked away from the emergency room. It was only much later, after leaving, that I understood this was only about mind control. Them of us. And absolutely, school required anyone lgbt to “change.” (actually, in my time, I don’t recall any trans folks joining us). School required a firm male/female binary. It took me years to sort out the inner homophobia and come out to myself as queer. The sleep deprivation exercise in creating the Woburn space was no doubt like the Somerville space. I remember stealing a way for a couple hours (we were round the clock building) to see my kids who were with my ex husband who like me was in and out of school, and was out at that time.
Hi John, Every thing that you’ve just posted corroborates stories I’ve heard repeatedly. I will comment more extensively later (am at work), but wanted to thank you — again — for sharing this history on the blog.
Hi John, it’s great to hear from you! We were in school at the same time, and my recollections are extremely similar to yours.
I firmly believe the concept of “experiment” was used to entice us into bending to the will of the leaders, and ultimately furthering the aims of school, more students and more money. I believe they were assigned with a purpose in mind – to encourage students to slowly surrender their wills over to their so called “teachers”.
Looking back now, I see how much these “experiments” were like college hazing. Just like a new fraternity pledge, we went along with these “experiments” because we wanted to belong – we wanted to be part of this unique tribe of people attempting to wake up. Like hazing, the experiments help to form a more cohesive group through sharing a set of group experiences. In my opinion, they have the same elements of power and control that a fraternity initiation has. A new pledge gets bullied as a freshman and eventually moves up the ranks to play the bully role for a new crop of initiates. Now some of the students I started with years ago are so called “teachers” themselves.
These so called “experiments” appeared to be given randomly in class, to older and younger students alike. From where I sit now, I think they were dished out quite intentionally, to this student who wasn’t taking instructions, or that student who wasn’t working hard enough to bring new students. As I see it, the effects of these experiments were to over ride our internal codes of conduct, break our self wills, and increase our conformity to the demands placed on us by the teachers, even if the demands seemed extreme.
Like you, John, I remember one of the more popular experiments was to sing loudly on a crowded subway, and of course the fly in the soup experiment. Another had men given instructions to dress up in a full dress suit complete with the suit jacket, dress shirt and tie, but no pants, only boxers, and then walk around in public. I was assigned to dress and mumble like a homeless person and beg for money in Harvard Square. In some cases such as mine, older students were asked to watch to be sure the “experiment” was actually done.
The phrase “experiment” gives off that pseudo-scientific air , and plays into the concepts of “we don’t really know ourselves” and the need for “anti-mechanical efforts” being necessary to “grow one’s being” . They were presented as “an opportunity to work on ourselves, to do what “it” doesn’t want to do.” I see now that the primary objective of these experiments was to break down the resistance and wills of targeted students, and assert the ultimate authority of the so called “teacher”.
I think completing the experiments was a sign that we were willing and complacent students, and we would do whatever our “teacher” asked. It signaled that we would allow the teachers to dictate our conduct outside of class, that we would let them push our boundaries, in my opinion. The assigned experiments challenged accepted norms of everyday society. Mr. Gurdgieff talks about how societal norms are acquired, and are part of Personality, not Essence. As I see it, the experiments were designed to push us to break a few unwritten societal rules, with the implicit understanding that this would help to feed our Essences. The experiments were seemingly harmless, but socially very uncomfortable for most of us.
Why did we ever comply? I ask now. I can only point to what I was taught in my early classes: I learned to doubt my perceptions, that my internal resistance was highly suspect, and I had become dependent on the group for guidance in growing my being.
I look back and am amazed at the degree of bullying and humiliation surrounding these experiments. Refusing to do these experiments was not a viable option for us in class. To say “NO, I WONT DO THIS” would open us up to verbal bullying and public berating. We all wanted to avoid the proverbial “hot seat” at all costs. But this is my perception; please drew your own conclusions. Perhaps my fellow students would not define these techniques as bullying or manipulative.
As, I said before, I believe they experiments were assigned with a purpose in mind – to encourage students to slowly surrender their wills over to their so called “teachers”.
Self Will and Willingness
Will and willingness are extremely important concepts for teachers to cultivate in the minds and hearts of their followers, in my opinion. As I see it, if the teachers can successfully shift their unsuspecting students into the right mindset, they can easily manipulate us into doing whatever they want. This is truly a “change of mind” or metanoia that Dr. Nicholl talks about; but in the case of this group, the changes in mind have nasty consequences. The concept of “change of mind” would be a good topic for another post.
Looking back now, I see that in order for teachers to maintain their control over us, our “self will” needed to be broken, although it’s never stated as explicitly as that. Instead, it was all in the tone of voice, or in the exclusion from certain smaller groups or events. To be accused of being in “self will” by a teacher or older student in class was extremely derogatory. I vividly recall R’s tone of voice as he talked to a classmate who had done something on her own without first checking with a teacher. His voice was as if she had committed some terrible, unforgivable sin. He made big ta-doo of it in class; she was thoroughly and publicly humiliated. It was painful to watch, and collectively it discouraged all of us from thinking and acting independently; we never wanted to endure the hot seat she was in. as I perceive it now, our “self wills” were slowly broken as variations of this scene repeated over time,
On the other hand, our willingness to do what teachers asked was encouraged, and often put to the test with “experiments”, in my view. We were given these outlandish experiments to do in public and then instructed to report on them in class. If we refused, well then, we, too, were in “self will” and would be subjected to a public berating – something to be avoided at all costs. The pressure to complete these tasks was huge.
OMG, why couldn’t I see the horrendous bullying going on back then??? Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and shake some sense into myself.
My recollections of the 80 hour experiment are nearly identical to yours: I think it was in the mid eighties that the whole class was given the 80 hour experiment. We were instructed that to work 80 hours a week, every week over the course of four or six weeks, as I recall. The class was divided into smaller groups, with older students tracking what extra jobs we got, and how many hours we worked each week. A structure had to be put into place to be sure we would all be held accountable. We absolutely had to work the full 80 hours, 79 hours was not acceptable. We reported twice a week in class on how we were doing. If we were short a few hours, other students would help us find some sort of temporary work to make the extra time we needed. Many students with professional jobs took second jobs at Burger King or waiting tables. The experiment was billed as a way to verify several ideas that Gurdgieff puts forth in In Search of the Miraculous, for instance “accumulators”, and the “work octave”.
Just like the other experiments, this 80 hour experiment forced us to do what “it” didn’t want to do, it pushed our boundaries, and broke our “self will”. It required a “super effort” on our part. At the end of the experiment we all reported on our individual experiences in class. I remember it being an upbeat class with many of us talking about how we never imagined they could stretch as much as we did in order to complete the aim.
Coincidentally, or not, shortly after the 80 hour a week experiment ended we were asked to donate money, I think it was $1000.00 each to help S. and A. with a theater project. What amazing timing! Even back then, when I still a fresh faced and bushy tailed new student, the timing seemed a tad bit too fortuitous, but please make up your own mind about whether this was coincidence or not.
Hi All – Thanks so much for contributing this string of comments. I have to say, the “school” of the ’80s (pre-internet) was definitely more … flamboyantly cultish … than the new millennium iteration. O.k., I’ll say more when I’m not as tired. But mainly, I really appreciate all of you for revealing the true nature of this “evolved school”.
@John R –
“My paragraph regarding understanding the reasoning as to why school prohibited black students was awkward, I didn’t mean to imply that I agreed with it. Only that the way that “school” rules were often explained had a certain “reasonableness” in their explanation.”
Yep. I got that. I understand that phenomenon … in the hallowed halls things that would be unacceptable morph into sounding “reasonable”. Case in point: “clever insincerity”
“I know the question of where the school tuition went and for what purpose was one of my first questions, and I heard it repeated many times as new students arrived.”
This topic deserves it’s own post, really. Where does the money go? One answer I’ve heard: Sharon’s multiple properties; the word on the blog-o-sphere is that her homes are outfitted with custom-made red bath tubs and such. If that doesn’t flash in neon red CULTCULTCULT, I don’t know what does.
” … Something about you only value what you must pay for rings true. (A statement that rings true and doesn’t answer the question.)”
When I look back on my tenure, I’m simply amazed at what we accepted as “answers”. There were so many of these pat phrases passed out as answers to reasonable concerns. One of my favorites was the one give to those of us who didn’t want to lie to our spouses about what we were doing: “You wouldn’t want your husband/wife to be jealous, would you?” … eventually, of course, “school” would label any concerned un-“schooled” spouse as “jealous”. The party line neglected to address the fact that a married student is expected to dismiss his/her spouse more and more as time goes on, more “clever insincerity”, less time at home, later and later nights … well, draw your own conclusions.
I keep hearing about these experiments from various “disgruntled ex-students” lately: singing on the bus, fly in the soup, stroll down town Boston in a tux and boxer shorts. The new millennium “school” really dialed these back.
” … I know of one friend who wrecked his car on Storrow Drive at that point. Another told me rather proudly that he had been hallucinating on I-93 while driving his Retail Express Truck due to lack of sleep and exhaustion. Even for the younger students I know lack of sleep was a constant, and not just during the 80 hour work week…”
Sleep deprivation is a very common cult tactic. We mortals become far more susceptible to suggestion when sleep deprived. Again, new millennium “school” dialed this back quite a bit … at least for the “younger” class. I never “graduated” to the “older class” … thank God for that!
@ Pearl,
“Did not help build it but believe I was there for the next iteration in Woburn … The sleep deprivation exercise in creating the Woburn space was no doubt like the Somerville space. I remember stealing a way for a couple hours (we were round the clock building) to see my kids”
That makes me sad.
Speaking of sleep deprivation: there was a very extensive string of comments a couple of years back regarding a woman named Veronica who apparently died during the Woburn space line of work. Did you know her?
“In order to “remember ourselves” we also fell down so an ambulance could be called and then walked away from the emergency room.”
So evolved … did anyone ask “school” about the waste of resources and attention taken away from those who were having medical emergencies for this particular “experiment”? I wonder what pat response “school” had lined up for this one.
“School required a firm male/female binary.”
As it turns out, “School” is a smaller and less successful version of The Moonies … coupling up participants and marrying them off. It would be difficult to do this marrying off thing if gay students were allowed to be gay, wouldn’t it?
Gotta scoot, but will come back with more thoughts, questions, quips, etc …
John R. says:
“There was a month or so where the younger students had to get second or third jobs and work 80 hours a week…”
AND
NO LONGER IN WILLFUL IGNORANCE wrote:
“Coincidentally, or not, shortly after the 80 hour a week experiment ended we were asked to donate money, I think it was $1000.00 each to help S.and A. with a theater project. What amazing timing! Even back then, when I still a fresh faced and bushy tailed new student, the timing seemed a tad bit too fortuitous, but please make up your own mind about this was coincidence or not.”
Your suspicious nature (Chief Feature perhaps)? is obviously due to coarse vibrations– “playing the low card” as another buzz phrase from the 70s would have it. Imputing the lowest of motives to an exercise obviously developed by more evolved beings for your own psychological evolution. After all, S & A & B (Bob) had their Aim and you had yours– (even if you didn’t know it). According to school precepts you both got something out of the deal. If you didn’t– your problem.
Falls Creek Ranch, Kauffman Road, Condon, Montana
125 acres with multiple buildings, lake, indoor pool, tennis courts
Parcel ID Number: 04-3107-24-1-01-01-0000 01
Purchased 10/13/1982 Book 180, Page 328
Owner listed as Davail, Inc.
(Robert Klein, David Kulko, Ilsa Kaye and Michael Horn)
A similar or variant of the 80 hour type experiment was tried on the Montana retreat, I believe– maybe not 80 Hrs and with longer rest periods, I don’t know– (I was not present but heard about it). This was building several new cabins in a very short time on the Montana property, ostensibly for students to use for future retreats. Would be interested in hearing about the experience from people involved with this construction project– — and anyone who has stayed in those cabins.
Hi Brad — Thanks for the comment!
“Would be interested in hearing about the experience from people involved with this construction project– — and anyone who has stayed in those cabins.”
As would I. Anyone out there care to share?