Hi “The Study” Monitor:
I hope that you are enjoying your assigned reading. Now you’ve been identified, I decided to say hello. We always got along well, so it’s too bad I’m now persona non grata, aka “disgruntled ex-student“, isn’t it? But all “school” defectors are, aren’t they? There’s no legitimate or forgivable way to depart “the invisible world” … and then to publish a blog … heresy, sedition, yes?
I hear that “School” now calls itself “The Study”. Why the name change? Does the online exposure interfere with recruitment? Is it bad for business? Does the vocabulary, this superficial spin, outweigh the nagging cognitive dissonance? Do you ever feel conflicted about “school”, oops, I mean: “the study”?
How do you feel about clever insincerity? Do you ever question “demands”? I remember the constant internal tug of war between “the study’s” requirements — growing deceit — and its presentation — “school of truth and higher consciousness”. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? I don’t miss it.
You were always kind to me. I am guessing that you are a well-intended soul caught in a web of delusion. Yep, “the study” sucked us all into that web. I wonder what you think and experience inside, as you read this blog? Do you ever wish you were doing anything else besides reading this? What would you do instead? Do you ever blow off the demands? Or want to? Do you ever spontaneously go to the beach without consulting Bob, and then just say you read the evil blog?
Perhaps you’ll never see this missive. After I left, I learned that many “students” lie about their recruitment efforts, a.k.a third line of work. God knows, we all hated it.
What are you looking for here? Is your lawyer on retainer, waiting to file?
Recently, I remembered a conversation we had when you were co-leading the “work & money group”. I was failing at another “school”-sponsored job search; “The Study’s” employment policy (as long as you are working, any job will do; women –of course– should clean houses) wasn’t bearing fruit. One day, when soliciting my housecleaning services (ha!) door-to-door in Lynnfield, a police cruiser pulled up to inform me that I needed a permit.
Discouraged, I called you — well, what I mean is I called the voice mail you kept for such purposes; you called me back on my phone. (cultic social engineering 101: the “more enlightened” must control ALL engagement! ) No matter, though, you called me back soon after. I told you about my police encounter and you said, “That’s ridiculous!”
Of course it was ridiculous; more ridiculous, though, was that I let a cult micromanage me into a constant, desperate, relentless and needlessly urgent search for any job! With “school’s” “help”, I tripped and bumbled into a pit of depression and a slew of low-paying menial work. The vicious circle of “school”-sponsored failure gnawed away from the inside out – the worse I felt inside, the worse I performed outside and the more menial and low-paying the jobs became.
Now I know that cults operate this way; this story was predictable — I asked for “help” and “failed”. I “wasn’t trying hard enough”. Many students echo this loaded language down the hallowed halls. Have you noticed? Eventually Carol pronounced: “Maybe you’ll never be able to hold down a job” and soon after established my “chief weakness” and cult identity to the “class”: entitled & unemployable Princess (read Jewish-American).
After leaving and deciding the “as long as you are working, any job will do” policy was crap; I found a job, I did it well, and then a second job and then a third job, etc. etc. etc — no more work/money problems. Are you happy for me, or does it disappoint you? “School’s”, oops, “The Study’s” “help” didn’t — in fact, it hurt. As my Grandma used to say: with (essence) friends like that, who needs enemies? (Don’t worry, she didn’t actually use the secret phrase, essence friends.)
Does “The Study” damage you? I think it damages everyone. One person benefits from “School”. Everyone else pays — they owe, they owe, so off to “school”, oops, “the study”, they go. The one-size-fits-all “help” flattens “students” into cult cogs; each will play particular roles. Those whom “school” deigns losers are damaged more quickly; but we leave and therefore have a chance to reclaim our lives.
So I’m grateful that “school” shoved me into the “losers” category. I left. As opposed to “dying in the street like a dog” — ala the mysteriously-never-mentioned-within-the-hallowed-halls Alex Horn — each “school”-free day feels like a gift. You really ought to try this “de-evolution”!
But I understand that your exit would be far more complicated than mine.
Do you ever consider leaving, though? Who were you before “school”? What were your dreams? Do you remember? What led you into this group? Have you evolved into the “real man” you wished to become? Do you believe you owe “school” everything, up until your last breath? What keeps you entangled?
As I said, you were always kind to me. I hope you can free yourself before your epitaph — your legacy– is a life spent in service to a bizarre fallacy.
Yes, I’m angry — all the deception, all the manipulation, the parasite funnels ideals, hopes, energy, time, money and dreams into a cult-propagated delusion. I have heard it said … somewhere … never fear wrath at that which is odious. So I don’t. Send my regards to Bob; Sharon, too.
And remember freedom is a good thing.
GSR
Ha! I could’ve written this too…almost word for word…but We called it the Work.
All the vocabulary change was/is to control….and to ‘protect’
‘school’….but you can’t protect anything that way!
What is rotten to the core, will eventually be revealed….
Yep. I call it “school” morphing: http://cultconfessions.com/2014/07/30/past-school-morphing/
We used the term “The Work” as well. I hear that now “School” = “The Study”. And “The Work” = “The Study”, too. Cult experts call all of this special vocabulary “loaded language”. This video is regarding loaded language is helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhmQtAkA7bo
Of course all the gobbley gook we hear from Scientology is the best example of it. But I’m sure you can come up with your own examples, having had your “own experience of ‘school'”. Cough.
Thank you for contributing to this forum.
GSR
Dear GSR, Right on as always! Astute. I should point out that the so-called “kindness” you and others were shown, was not genuine in the least. Nothing coming out of anybody’s mouth is genuine or trustworthy. It was being nice to you to manipulate you to do things you otherwise in your right mind wouldn’t do. Its a perplexing contradiction.
Disgruntled Evil Person
Hi Dangerous Evil –
Thanks for your comment: “Its a perplexing contradiction.”
Yes, it is. You want to believe someone in the hallowed halls was able to maintain even the tiniest amount of genuine compassion, but it’s not likely. That’s why so many of us wake up and leave.
Yours in Disgruntled Evil.
Here’s a link to a PDF file of Rodney Collin’s book Theory of Celestial Influence: http://www.baytallaah.com/bookspdf/95.pdf
The entire book is a fascinating read, but I find the section on the Crime and Corruption compelling. The section starts on page 211 in this PDF file, and this quote starts at very bottom of page 213.
Rodney Colin writes “Real crime would be that in which knowledge, skill, understanding or forethought (form) are used to destroy the higher possibilities (life), leaving the situation of the victim at a lower level than before (matter)”
Rodney Collin goes on to talk about how murder and stealing are crimes that fit this particular triad of the three forces. He then says “But so too is willful lying which leaves a situation corrupted, and others – previously open hearted – now full of malice, suspicion, envy or distrust.”
Dear Monitor, if you are who I think you are, you are one of the open hearted ones who started the group just a few years after graduating from a prestigious university in Cambridge. You love Shakespeare; and you’re brilliant, witty, funny and kind. You study with a group of friends who are also brilliant, witty, funny and kind. You feel grateful to have found so many like minded friends. You’ve known these friends for years and you’ve shared many, many amazing experiences together. If you’re like me, it’s that sense of community that keeps you in the flock. Your wife is a devoted follower of the group. You can’t imagine ever leaving the group. It’s not just a study for you, it’s an all encompassing lifestyle. I hope there’s still some room in this lifestyle for some independent thought.
Dear Monitor, I challenge you to entertain the notion that us disgruntleds fit Rodney Collin’s description to a T: “willful lying … leaves a situation corrupted, and others – previously open hearted – [are] now full of malice, suspicion, envy or distrust.” The description fits us, right?
So I then challenge you to also consider that your teachers maybe willfully lying to you. Are you brave enough to consider this notion in the quiet, most private recesses of your being? There’s no need to voice this out loud to anyone. It’s merely a thought, an impression. Don’t give it much credence, just consider it a possibility.
You know many of us. Some of us were once your closest friends.
At some point we became disillusioned, and started to wake up to the willful lying and psychological manipulation going on around us. I dare say all of us have gone through a phase of feeling “full of malice, suspicion, envy or distrust”. It’s part of the process. And then we get to the good part, the process of Healing. And that part is totally amazing and incredible.
Dear Monitor, you’re a good student and will faithfully report on any unacceptable blog activity. My guess is that you feel honored to be entrusted with this important responsibility. That is all well and fine.
I sincerely hope you are enough of a man to hold a few ounces of compassion for your former friends and classmates. I hope that in your quiet space inside you may occasionally ponder if some of what we write about may be actually the truth. These ponderings can be yours and yours alone. They don’t need to be spoken out loud right now. There’s no need to tell your wife, your friends, your teachers about them.
They can be a lingering doubt that arises when you see someone publicly berated and humiliated for instance. It’s just a doubt, you see it and acknowledge it, that’s it. You don’t have to do anything about it, You don’t have to write it in your self observation notebook, you don’t have to do anything. Just make a mental note. It’s simple, really.
You may start having more and more of these doubts arising. Then it’s time start voicing your doubts. Do this with someone outside of the group, someone neutral, someone you like and trust. You can say something like this: I’m in this spiritual group, and there’s a situation that doesn’t seem right to me…..What do you think? At this point you will be breaking the rules of “the Study”, but there are higher rules that apply, like following your Conscience. See what they say, you don’t need to act on anything yet. You’re just gathering input, trying to find your own Truth, the truth you know with your gut. When you find it, only then is it time to act.
I believe everyone has their own timetable, their own way to coming to truly knowing their own Truth. It may take years, it may take months. Perhaps for someone like Fred, it can only be found after one’s death. It’s my sincere hope that all of us find our real Truth in this lifetime.
Dear Monitor, this is my wish for you.
I still have respect for Rodney Collins and am influenced by his works. Reading him years later, however, I was dismayed to see he left out the Jews. No Israelite culture. Straight from Greek to Roman to Christian. See Fig 13 The sequence of Civilizations about page 276.