Tag Archives: morning prayer

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Dear “School”… oops, “The Study” … Monitor

Hi “The Study” Monitor:

I hope that you are enjoying your assigned reading. Now you’ve been identified, I decided to say hello. We always got along well, so it’s too bad I’m now persona non grata, aka “disgruntled ex-student“, isn’t it? But all “school” defectors are, aren’t they? There’s no legitimate or forgivable way to depart “the invisible world” … and then to publish a blog … heresy, sedition, yes?

I hear that “School” now calls itself “The Study”. Why the name change? Does the online exposure interfere with recruitment? Is it bad for business? Does the vocabulary, this superficial spin, outweigh the nagging cognitive dissonance? Do you ever feel conflicted about “school”, oops, I mean: “the study”?

How do you feel about clever insincerity? Do you ever question “demands”? I remember the constant internal tug of war between “the study’s” requirements — growing deceit — and its presentation — “school of truth and higher consciousness”. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? I don’t miss it.

You were always kind to me. I am guessing that you are a well-intended soul caught in a web of delusion. Yep, “the study” sucked us all into that web. I wonder what you think and experience inside, as you read this blog? Do you ever wish you were doing anything else besides reading this? What would you do instead? Do you ever blow off the demands? Or want to? Do you ever spontaneously go to the beach without consulting Bob, and then just say you read the evil blog?

Perhaps you’ll never see this missive. After I left, I learned that many “students” lie about their recruitment efforts, a.k.a third line of work. God knows, we all hated it.

What are you looking for here? Is your lawyer on retainer, waiting to file?

Recently, I remembered a conversation we had when you were co-leading the “work & money group”. I was failing at another “school”-sponsored job search; “The Study’s” employment policy (as long as you are working, any job will do; women –of course– should clean houses) wasn’t bearing fruit. One day, when soliciting my housecleaning services (ha!) door-to-door in Lynnfield, a police cruiser pulled up to inform me that I needed a permit.

Discouraged, I called you — well, what I mean is I called the voice mail you kept for such purposes; you called me back on my phone. (cultic social engineering 101: the “more enlightened” must control ALL engagement! ) No matter, though, you called me back soon after. I told you about my police encounter and you said, “That’s ridiculous!”

Of course it was ridiculous; more ridiculous, though, was that I let a cult micromanage me into a constant, desperate, relentless and needlessly urgent search for any job! With “school’s” “help”, I tripped and bumbled into a pit of depression and a slew of low-paying menial work. The vicious circle of “school”-sponsored failure gnawed away from the inside out – the worse I felt inside, the worse I performed outside and the more menial and low-paying the jobs became.

Now I know that cults operate this way; this story was predictable — I asked for “help” and “failed”. I “wasn’t trying hard enough”. Many students echo this loaded language down the hallowed halls. Have you noticed? Eventually Carol pronounced: “Maybe you’ll never be able to hold down a job” and soon after established my “chief weakness” and cult identity to the “class”: entitled & unemployable Princess (read Jewish-American).

After leaving and deciding the “as long as you are working, any job will do” policy was crap; I found a job, I did it well, and then a second job and then a third job, etc. etc. etc — no more work/money problems. Are you happy for me, or does it disappoint you? “School’s”, oops, “The Study’s” “help” didn’t — in fact, it hurt. As my Grandma used to say: with (essence) friends like that, who needs enemies? (Don’t worry, she didn’t actually use the secret phrase, essence friends.)

Does “The Study” damage you? I think it damages everyone. One person benefits from “School”. Everyone else pays — they owe, they owe, so off to “school”, oops, “the study”, they go. The one-size-fits-all “help” flattens “students” into cult cogs; each will play particular roles. Those whom “school” deigns losers are damaged more quickly; but we leave and therefore have a chance to reclaim our lives.

So I’m grateful that “school” shoved me into the “losers” category. I left. As opposed to “dying in the street like a dog” — ala the mysteriously-never-mentioned-within-the-hallowed-halls Alex Horn — each “school”-free day feels like a gift. You really ought to try this “de-evolution”!

But I understand that your exit would be far more complicated than mine.

Do you ever consider leaving, though? Who were you before “school”? What were your dreams? Do you remember? What led you into this group? Have you evolved into the “real man” you wished to become? Do you believe you owe “school” everything, up until your last breath? What keeps you entangled?

As I said, you were always kind to me. I hope you can free yourself before your epitaph — your legacy– is a life spent in service to a bizarre fallacy.

Yes, I’m angry — all the deception, all the manipulation, the parasite funnels ideals, hopes, energy, time, money and dreams into a cult-propagated delusion. I have heard it said … somewhere … never fear wrath at that which is odious. So I don’t. Send my regards to Bob; Sharon, too.

And remember freedom is a good thing.

GSR

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How to Heal From a Cult

Gettysburg_SunsetDbleWowI must admit it is fun eviscerating this “school of higher consciousness” (cough). But as cathartic as it is, I want to focus on recovery and try to veer away from snarky and cynical (a little). Specific things have helped me in the healing process; starting with admitting that my five-year tenure was in a cult, not an “esoteric mystery school”. Recently, my brother and I were discussing my “School” days and he said, “Dude, that is so weird.” I replied, “Do you think?”

On a more serious note, though, I couldn’t heal without recognizing “School” as simply another predatory cult, among the many. Everybody knows these groups feed on emotional insecurities; now I know how they take advantage of those seeking meaning, direction, purpose, acceptance, belonging, spiritual connection, community, etc. But when it comes to the search for identity, cults really sink in their teeth.

In the book Quiet Horizon, author Greg Jemsek offers a compassionate understanding of the fragile process of establishing identity and explores the idea of narcissistic wounding –  I will write more about it in a future post; for now, simply put, narcissistic wounding interrupts the establishment of identity, usually at a tender age. Those with faltering senses of identity are more vulnerable to outside influences. Those with stronger senses of identity need less external validation.

On looking back, I realized that “students” with stronger senses of self disappeared from the ranks. Some “students” pushed back on certain unpalatable demands — those who had maintained some ego strength. “School’s” pre-fab response was, “You are in self will” (horrors; I’ll write a self-will post in the future, too). “Self will” was a shaming device — the not-so-subtle subtext: you are selfish(again, horrors). Someone with solid identity might respond to that shaming with “so what” or “fuck you”. But those who aren’t so confident in themselves tend to take on the group’s caricaturization.

Cults foster insecurity, paranoia, fear and child-like dependence in the membership – those who obviously “need” guidance from “above” to “become the men/women they wish to be”. Essentially, cults cultivate (sorry, unintentional pun) addictions by flattening members into one-dimensional caricatures of themselves — wounded souls, seeking acceptance, willing to “do whatever it takes” to further the mysterious cause (mo’ students, mo’ money) and “evolve”.

I call this practice Cultic Identity Theft; I consider it psychological violence; it will also get a post in the future. I witnessed and experienced the cult’s soul-sucking techniques. My psyche felt pulled apart and parsed out — but that pain woke me up; I saw fear dictating my choices, abdicating responsibility to “teachers”. I realized I wanted to leave the group; my fear kept me bound to it. “School’s” benefits (cough) had disappeared; I was unemployed, depressed, exhausted and empty; yet, I was afraid of life without it. I remember realizing, “ It’s not like things are so great right now. If I fuck up my life on my own terms, at least it won’t cost $350 a month.”

Thus began my emancipation: a connection to, and trust in, my moral compass replaced the need to seek direction and mentoring; clarity of thought and feeling replaced confusion; self responsibility replaced dependency; self-acceptance replaced a futile need to please the upper echelons. I heard the Wizard of Oz telling Dorothy, the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Man and the Scarecrow, “You never needed me. You had what you needed all along.” I realized that my “classmates” and I didn’t need this group. The cult needed us — lifelong, dedicated, “tuition”-paying members.

BREAKING “SCHOOL RULES” shed light on my path to healing. Soon I’ll write a separate post for each of the following “rules” and expound on the benefits of breaking them:

 

    • Privacy, (cough, aka Secrecy): “Don’t tell anyone about this; it’s private, just for you”:The more I spoke/speak out, the more clarity replaced(s) confusion. The debilitating and exhausting cognitive dissonance plaguing my mind has dissipated. Breaking my silence broke an invisible isolation. I stopped protecting a con job. Refusing to carry this secret to my grave freed my mind and restored my sanity.

 

    • Your Time is “School’s” Time Now: “School” will claim that humans have a skewed relationship to time – Robert said, “If you tell me you don’t have time for this and that, I won’t believe you.”
      Once I left, I started protecting my time and practicing evil and sinful “Self-Love” (horrors): I stopped living as though every moment required a life or death decision; slept eight hours a night; exercised; played my guitar; took solitude and down time; reflected on my experience and wrote about it; gave my marriage, and my friendships, quality time– you know, normal self care (so selfish!).

 

    • NO Internet research! Robert loved to say, “You have all had your own experience of ‘School’. Don’t poison it!”
      Of course I read all the online criticism. It answered the onslaught of questions and addressed the quandaries that had plagued me over my 5-year tenure. I then read academic literature from cult experts: Steven Hassan, Margaret Singer, Robert J Lifton, Greg Jemsek, etc. I learned that the only difference between “School” and Scientology is that it is smaller and less successful — a bit more hidden, but not that hidden. Trust me, all cults are the same.

 

    • Non-fraternization: if you see each other outside the hallowed halls, float past without acknowledgement, forever:Breaking this rule required connecting and corresponding with “disgruntled ex-students” both past and present. Fellow apostates provided the context, connecting the dots that “School” works very hard to separate and keep “private”. Suddenly, I was no longer isolated and alone carrying this bizarre experience inside. The isolation damages you and protects the group. Breaking that isolation sets you free body, mind, heart and spirit.

 

  • If You Order Your Life, Rightly … “School” supersedes all “only life things”:
    A funny thing happened when I stopped keeping “school” secrets and started protecting my time, my energy, my thoughts, my feelings, my relationships, hopes, desires, artistic passions, need for solitude, and beliefs. My life began to work — all areas. Many, many unnecessary struggles fell away.So here’s to breaking ALL “School Rules” and gleaning the benefits of reclaiming your time, energy, thoughts, feelings etc. More on all of this in future posts.
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Dear “School”… oops, “The Study” … Monitor

Hi “The Study” Monitor: I hope that you are enjoying your assigned reading. Now you’ve been identified, I decided to say hello. We always got along well, so it’s too bad I’m now persona non grata, aka “disgruntled ex-student“, isn’t it? But all “school” defectors are, aren’t they? There’s no legitimate or forgivable way to depart “the invisible world” … and then to publish a blog … heresy, sedition, yes?

I hear that “School” now calls itself “The Study”. Why the name change? Does the online exposure interfere with recruitment? Is it bad for business? Does the vocabulary, this superficial spin, outweigh the nagging cognitive dissonance? Do you ever feel conflicted about “school”, oops, I mean: “the study”?

How do you feel about clever insincerity? Do you ever question “demands”? I remember the constant internal tug of war between “the study’s” requirements — growing deceit — and its presentation — “school of truth and higher consciousness”. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? I don’t miss it.

You were always kind to me. I am guessing that you are a well-intended soul caught in a web of delusion? Yep, “the study” sucked us all into that web. I wonder what you think and experience inside, as you read this blog?  Do you ever wish you were doing anything else besides reading this? What would you do instead? Do you ever blow off the demands? Or want to? Do you ever spontaneously go to the beach without consulting Bob, and then just say you read the evil blog?

Perhaps you’ll never see this missive. After I left, I learned that many “students” lie about their recruitment efforts, a.k.a third line of work. God knows, we all hated it.

What are you looking for here? Is your lawyer on retainer, waiting to file?

Recently, I remembered a conversation we had when you were co-leading the “work & money group”. I was failing at another “school”-sponsored job search; “The Study’s” employment policy  (as long as you are working, any job will do; women –of course– should clean houses) wasn’t bearing fruit. One day, when soliciting my housecleaning services (ha!) door-to-door in Lynnfield, a police cruiser pulled up to inform me that I needed a permit.

Discouraged, I called you — well, what I mean is I called the voice mail you kept for such purposes; you called me back on my phone. (cultic social engineering 101: the “more enlightened” must control ALL engagement! ) No matter, though, you called me back soon after. I told you about my police encounter and you said, “That’s ridiculous!”

Of course it was ridiculous; more ridiculous, though, was that I let a cult micromanage me into a constant, desperate, relentless and needlessly urgent search for any job! With “school’s” “help”, I tripped and bumbled into a pit of depression and a slew of low-paying menial work. The vicious circle of “school”-sponsored failure gnawed away from the inside out – the worse I felt inside, the worse I performed outside and the more menial and low-paying the jobs became.

Now I know that cults operate this way; this story was predictable — I ask for “help” and “failed”. I “wasn’t trying hard enough”. Many students echo this loaded language down the hallowed halls. Have you noticed? Eventually Carol pronounced: “Maybe you’ll never be able to hold down a job” and soon after established my “chief weakness” and cult identity to the “class”: entitled & unemployable Princess (read Jewish-American).

After leaving and deciding the “as long as you are working, any job will do” policy was crap; I found a job, I did it well, and then a second job and then a third job, etc. etc. etc — no more work/money problems. Are you happy for me, or does it disappoint you? “School’s”, oops, “The Study’s” “help” didn’t — in fact, it hurt. As my Grandma used to say: with (essence) friends like that, who needs enemies? (Don’t worry, she didn’t actually use the secret phrase, essence friends.)

Does “The Study” damage you? I think it damages everyone. One person benefits from “School”. Everyone else pays — they owe, they owe, so off to “school”, oops, “the study”, they go. The one-size-fits-all “help” flattens “students” into cult cogs; each will play particular roles. Those whom “school” deigns losers are damaged more quickly; but we leave and therefore have a chance to reclaim our lives.

So I’m grateful that “school” shoved me into the “losers” category. I left. As opposed to “dying in the street like a dog” — ala the mysteriously-never-mentioned-within-the-hallowed-halls Alex Horn — each “school”-free day feels like a gift. You really ought to try this “de-evolution”!

But I understand that your exit would be far more complicated than mine.

Do you ever consider leaving, though? Who were you before “school”? What were your dreams? Do you remember? What led you into this group? Have you evolved into the “real man” you wished to become? Do you believe you owe “school” everything, up until your last breath?  What keeps you entangled?

As I said, you were always kind to me. I hope you can free yourself before your epitaph — your legacy– is a life spent in service to a bizarre fallacy.

Yes, I’m angry — all the deception, all the manipulation, the parasite funnels ideals, hopes, energy, time, money and dreams into a cult-propagated delusion. I have heard it said … somewhere … never fear wrath at that which is odious. So I don’t. Send my regards to Bob; Sharon, too.

And remember freedom is a good thing.

GSR

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More resources …

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been neglecting cult confessions lately for a related project, but of course, I can’t get away for long. When it comes to cults there are endless topics to explore and I will be back to posting soon.

In the meantime, I wanted to point out a couple of things:

1) A lot of people were upset when the Esoteric Freedom blog disappeared. You will find some of the material from that blog, and more, on the following site: The Truth About Sharon Gans

2) If you’re a “student” who is presently “breaking the rules” because you’re wondering, questioning, whether this group you’ve joined is truly an “esoteric mystery school”, or a cult, you might recognize the people in a photo posted here: http://www.sharonganscult.com/

Thanks for reading and I’ll be back to posting soon!

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“School” Vignettes Circa 1980

Recently a former student, circa mid eighties, shared some anecdotes from his “school days”. These vignettes so beautifully illustrate “school’s” cultish ridiculousness … well, what can I say … read and laugh; read and see the true nature of this “evolved school of consciousness”. Read and consider whether his experiences ring true to you. For as Robert is so fond of saying, “you’ve all had your own experiences of ‘school.’”

The next 3 posts are a series of vignettes and conclusions from “Secret”  “School” Circa 1980:

The-Gang-That-Couldn’t-Shoot-Straight

… most of what I remember about school was its certain Gang-That-Couldn’t-Shoot-Straight atmosphere. From the fact that no one had explained the rules to me in the beginning and I ended up tripping my ass off for the first class with Sharon on to so many other things big and small.

At the time I was there the two older teacher/students under Bob were Geoff and Lou. I came to class one night and Geoff was livid at me: “Where’s Bob? You were supposed to pick up BOB!!!!” Well, that would have required someone telling me in advance that A) I needed to pick up Bob, and B) where Bob lived.

There was a time when the younger class was given an assignment that directly contradicted another assignment. The men did whatever-number-line-of-work by playing basketball every Sunday at 6AM at the Arlington Boys and Girls Club. The school basketball method was a certain Bob-Cousey-dribble-low-make-yourself-small fairly unorthodox and perhapsnotwickedsmart basketball style. I actually enjoyed these male/bondage mornings; but on one occasion the guys who used the gym after us asked if we wanted to play a game. Wez got creamed.

No drugs? Oops …
When I was first recruited my two sustainers(?) didn’t do the best job explaining the rules. In particular, they left out the no drugs part. And when I first began, there was also no rule that you had to be in school for a certain time before attending a class with Sharon or Alex (that later changed).

So during my first month, or so, we were to have a class with Sharon, and for that I took about a half a hit of LSD and walked to class from my house nearby. OK, maybe not the smartest idea, but it was my way of “preparing” to meet the woman whom Robert et all had been talking about in holier-than-thou terms.

Tripping does not good articulation make, so I said nothing until near the end of class when Robert asked me if there was anything I wanted to ask Sharon. I mumbled something about homosexuality (duh), and Sharon responded that male homosexuality “was really about having contempt for women.”

Why I didn’t immediately run a thousand miles from her and this group has been with me for some time. I knew this was false for me, in my life, having so many wonderful woman friends, my great mom, and sister, boss, etc… I saw Sharon then as a bull shitter and a false prophet, if you will … but I stuck around for too long.

When sexuality is deemed “chief weakness”…
I certainly came out to the wrong group. I was in a bad place at the time, new to town, “new” to be ready to announce my sexuality, very unsure of myself, afraid, and unfortunately full of a lot of self-doubt and low self-esteem. I, unfortunately for me, let it be known that I wasn’t happy to be gay.

… my curiosity about being involved in a group such as this, led by a charismatic leader, exploring the universe of thought, trumped any misgivings I had — sort of like being asked onto a spaceship and be away! when where you are, at the time, isn’t so great. My sustainer — of course — went and told all to Robert and the older students; so right off my sexuality became my tour-de-force, my “weakness?” —  although never spelled out that way. Besides singing on a bus, or whatever shocks we were instructed to take on at the time, Robert’s plan for me was a little experiment in which I was to rent a hotel room and hire a prostitute. Twice.

… off I went to the Long Wharf Marriott — let’s just say Experiment #1 didn’t “take”; utter embarrassing disaster. And when, a few nights later, Door Number Two opened, I was greeted with, “Hey … don’t I know you? Don’t you work at ______ restaurant owned by the guy who owns the place I work at?” Yikes.

The “Secret” East Somerville “School”

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A New Resource: sharonganscult.com

This site has come to my attention lately — http://www.sharonganscult.com/

It changes often, but today’s iteration encourages current “students” to leave the ranks. It provides an email address for those who want to reach out and addresses the following “school”-bound fears and obstacles:

1) Losing friends

2) Losing marriage or relationship with another “student”

3) Working for a “school”-based business

4) Losing “the work”

It suggests taking a 3-week experimental hiatus from all things “school”.

When I think back, the only thing that kept me from taking a break was my belief in the institution and the control I gave it — I felt like I had to ask permission. I knew the answer would be no. I bought into some idea about “not letting the work go cold for more than 48 hours”, or something like that. I felt “school” lording over me, as if monitoring me from above, documenting all of my sinful and “coarse” thoughts and feelings. I am amazed at the amount of control I gave this thing over my time and life.

Yep. If you’re thinking about a break, take it. I believe you will soon discover that “school” isn’t God, can’t control your life and you might even get some perspective on the experience and start to feel the freedom that comes when not participating in its bi-weekly indoctrination rituals.

It’s a sweet freedom. It’s your life. I encourage you to reclaim it.

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Happy Thanksgiving – Gratitude List

You always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.

This is my fourth “school”-free holiday season and I find I have much for which to be grateful. Many of these things came directly from my evolutionary tenure. Every “school”-free day contrasts sharply with my “school”-dictated life, highlighting what leaving the hallowed halls brought to me:

1) A well-honed bullshit detector – while, I have never regretted leaving the institution, I also don’t regret the experience. I do wish that I’d listened to my rebels sooner — five years and roughly $20,000 is way more than I wanted to invest in this con game. However, allowing “school” to yank me around for a time did prove valuable. It reminded me of that childhood lesson from the The Wizard of Oz: everything I need, everything you need, exists within me, and within you, already. The wizards who tell you otherwise, offering pat and overly simplified advice, alleged informed by convenient interpretations of certain esoteric ideas is, at best, deluded and at worst, sociopathic.

2) A trusted connection to my inner moral compass and path — Every “school”-free day bears gifts in ways to embrace this connection. Every moment, good, bad, challenging, boring, heartening, frustrating, inspiring — whatever comes — offers me the opportunity to honor what feels right to me and leave behind what doesn’t. I’m free from the cognitive dissonance that wrestled with my inner sense when it didn’t line up with the outer party line. I own my time and life, for better or worse: I spend my days with those I love and doing what I want. I am free to share whatever I experience, feel and think with whomever I’d like. This freedom constantly reminds me that every breath is a gift. It is my responsibility to use my remaining breathes wisely, instead of giving them away. And, by the way, I have a lot more energy.

3) An unencumbered holiday season — The holidays are no longer strained with the unnecessary “school”-sponsored usurpation, otherwise known as The Christmas Party. All accompanying marital stress fell away. My friends and family no longer wonder why I am so unavailable and what could possibly be keeping me busily scrambling around. In fact, now that they all know about the illustrious group and its infamous Christmas party, we’ve had a lot of laughs, and lemme just tell you, keeping secrets takes a lot of energy.

4) A reconnection to my inner creative voice — at some point I will research and write more extensively about the cult-usurpation-of-your-creative-energy phenomenon. For now I will simply say that in 2006, when I joined an “informal discussion group”, I hoped that the it would strengthen and affirm my creative dreams. Five years later, I felt severed from those dreams — songwriting, prose writing, even simple morning pages, ala The Artist’s Way, all felt impossible. The flow of ideas and music that had been with me since childhood shut down. Before my tenure — however insecure and lost I felt — those ideas outlined my dreams and woke me up in the morning. They provided a sense of purpose, and I honored them, despite uncertainty about how to shape and define that purpose. Once I left the cult and started writing my story, I reconnected to that creative voice. Recently songs again began outlining my dreams and waking me in the morning. Welcome back!

5) A clarity of purpose – In leaving the cult, I freed my time. In freeing my time, I freed my mind. In freeing my mind, my voice came forth to tell this ridiculous tale. In putting out this blog, I released my psyche from “school’s” cancerous secrecy. This is my experience of freedom of mind. Secrets cloud and shroud. Clarity arrived when I stopped carrying them around. I believe the purpose of artistic creativity — in whatever modality — is connecting to this authentic voice and empowerment through the expression of your truth. I believe this because I found all the healing I needed within the creative process.

6) My marriage — When I left the cult, I suddenly found myself home more, sharing time with my husband. I suddenly found more energy, physical, emotional, cognitive and psychological to give to him. When I stopped protecting the “highly-evolved esoteric institution”, I suddenly had more to share with him. I left “school” because I knew my marriage would end if I didn’t. But I didn’t realize the damage inflicted until I confessed the inner workings and heard him him talk about his experience of “school’s” highly evolved “help”, as it increasingly dismissed him and our marriage as “only a life thing”. I’m thankful that instead of tearing us apart, we’ve used “school’s” education to strengthen our commitment.

7) Real friendships with real people – One of “school’s” most insidious aspects is the isolation. If you “follow school rules” to the letter, you find yourself in an invisible prison; it eats up more and more of your “only life”. If you leave, you are stonewalled. Additionally you are to pretend like it didn’t happen — “don’t leak”. If you run into a fellow disgruntled at Trader Joe’s both of you are to ignore each other. How crazy making. If you break “school” rules, you find that relationships, friendships, have their own organic rhythm. There is nothing evolved about a group that micromanages and engineers “essence friendships”. I have learned so much about the strength and character of my fellow disgruntled(s) by breaking the “non-fraternization rule.” They no longer embody the flat one-dimensional “school” perpetuated cult identity of the group.

On that note, I will end by offering the hope that your “school”-free existence has benefited you, as mine has benefited me. Because when you find your feet walking a path, directed by your internal compass, to your true north, as Dorothy says, there’s no place like home.

Happy Thanksgiving and here’s to a “school”-free holiday season! Cheers!

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Past “School” Morphing

When I was a starry-eyed believer, I silently accepted “school” rules and traditions as wisdom passed down from “secret esoteric schools” through the ages. Recently “disgruntled ex-students” from “school” past, debunked some of these “ancient esoteric teachings”, revealing them as past “school” morph-ing.

The next few posts depict and link these past revelations with the new millennium “school”.  Let’s begin with “school’s traditional Christmas Party” — brought to us by the eighties, the era of Madonna’s proud declaration, “I am a Material Girl”:

Morph 1: The Christmas Party

One December, during “school’s” annual usurpation of my holiday season, I sought “help” from King Robert for the  perennial marital tensions. A “school education”ensures that its students have zero time for personal holidays; “only life things” — i.e. family, friends, work, colleagues — must be secondary to the big party if one wants to “evolve”.

Among other things, Robert told me, ” … it’s during the holiday season that you benefit the most from ‘school’.”  His brow wrinkled, he wondered how could my husband have any complaints? Didn’t he sense my evolution? Didn’t he get how he benefits from my “work”?

… never mind that I was rarely home; when I was home, I was exhausted and distracted; that the top secret calling devoured my time and energy while intentionally excluding him, as well as bleeding into our time at home with top-secret-holiday-party-tasks (I recall unsuccessfully trying to secretly cut out invisible snowflakes in our living room, only to leave a trail of tiny white paper snippets in my path, which he — of course — called me out on); never mind that our family holiday had to wait until the shindig was over (of course, a more evolved woman would have bought presents and decorated the house after Christmas party prep, between the hours of 3-6 a.m, after which I would go to work).

I was puzzled, too… was I missing something? I mean … this wasn’t rocket science: my husband was lonely. I was neglecting him for the “higher calling”. How do I explain the top secret nature of my critical snowflake-making without leaking??? How do I tell him, “I really don’t want to neglect you during the holiday season; but these demands from the invisible world are critical to my evolution and only benefit you, too!” Even in my “school” coma, I realized that any sane person, left in the dark to wonder why those snowflakes were more important then him/her, would have been saying to his/her spouse, “WTF?”

Nonetheless, my evolved leader appeared stumped by my husband’s complaints, as though no other “un-schooled” spouse had complained before. Of course, I didn’t know then that all three of Robert’s marriages were “school” arranged. As was typical, I started thinking, “There must be something I don’t understand — something only Robert can understand. Maybe, if I tried harder, if my vibrations were finer, I could enlighten my husband into a state of bliss and turn his emotion dial to the happily accepting setting. He would then, of course, say, ‘I understand that your annual disappearing act is an ancient esoteric tradition necessary for your evolution and our betterment! Thank you for doing THE WORK!‘ and benefiting me invisibly.’ ”

Recently “ex-students”, circa 1985, revealed the Christmas Party tradition as an outgrowth of the eighties. One of them told me,“We saw the inaugural Christmas extravaganza that has since caused so much horror to the participants.”

I would love to learn more about its inception, so please consider this post an invitation to share! Since “The Christmas Party” is not an ancient tradition, seeded in esoteric schools of yore, how it did come about?

Morph 2: The Non Fraternization Policy
Morph 3: Drug Use
Morph 4: Recruitment, or “Making New Friends”
 

 

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Past Morph 2: Non-Fraternization

“Sealing The Invisible World”

When I enrolled in “school” in August, 2006, the leadership made clear that my classmates and I should not acknowledge each other should we have chance encounters outside the hallowed halls. These were not “school” sanctioned and they told us … “It’s very important to seal yourself off; don’t leak the invisible world!“

I envisioned centuries of “students” silently floating out of mystery schools across the globe, spreading “fine vibrations”; infusing healing energy into “sleepwalking humanity”; awakening the world for all salvation. I imagined “students” encountering each other outside the “schoolyard”, exchanging surreptitious smiles and floating off to save lost souls.

I was lucky! I’d stumbled into an exclusive lineage, an elite few, who could “save civilization” through practicing “THE WORK” – i.e. allowing “evolved teachers” to micromanage personal decisions, control “un-schooled” relationships and usurp time and energy in service to the higher “aim” of mo’ recruits, mo’ money, while installing a monthly I.V. drip from my bank account into Sharon’s retirement fund.

Recently another “disgruntled ex-student” squashed this  “school” myth, telling me, ” I witnessed the creation of the ‘no fraternization’ rule (I remember why and where that happened)”. I have since learned that, back in the wild seventies and superficial eighties, “teachers” encouraged “students” to socialize, work together, live together, sleep together etc, etc, etc. But one rotten apple spoiled the barrel — ruining the fun for every one! A relationship went sour and the woman had two brothers in the New York City police department – I guess that didn’t bode well for corporate headquarters.

While in my “school” stupor, I took that “rule” to heart. Once day I encountered a fellow “student” at the Harvard Book Store; a “younger student” who said hello to me; horrors! I thought, “She must not understand ‘the rules!’ ” Concerned for her soul, and mine (of course), I quickly informed her that we weren’t supposed to be talking. Needless to say, the next recounting of “non-fraternization” as a “school” style ancient ritual is among my favorites. An ex-student of the nineties told me this:

“No talking – well, that one was blown apart for me when I was sent on babysitting duty for a student who was going through a crisis. She was very wealthy and an older teacher and I were to go with her to her country house and be with her so she wouldn’t drink. Sharon said she thought the student was pregnant, and the woman was supposed to go to Betty Ford. None of this happened and she wasn’t pregnant and she drank the entire time. And she called and visited with non-school friends all weekend, leaving me with the teacher who did nothing but gossip about everyone in school all weekend. She was deaf to my hints that we shouldn’t be discussing this, saying ‘Oh who cares!'”

So much for “not leaking”.

Morph 2: The Non Fraternization Policy
Morph 3: Drug Use
Morph 4: Recruitment, or “Making New Friends”

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Morph 3: The “No Drug Use” Rule

One evening in “class”, a fellow “student” casually mentioned smoking pot. A “teacher” sternly told him, “You do know that smoking pot is against ‘THE RULES’.” Given her admonishment, I assumed that “school” considered drug use an avoidance of doing “the first line work, or work on the self”.

Needless to say, when a corroborator shared this next bit, I thought, I must share this on the blog (it’s also great source material for the musical that I’m going to write one day, “School” — My Five Years in a Cult):

“ … in 2000 Sharon asked, first her son, and then someone else (after he left) to procure hash for the teachers to smoke at the Christmas party. Some kind of cannabis product was present at teachers’ meetings thereafter.”

Recently, some fellow new-millennium disgruntled(s) confirmed that Boston-branch “teachers” keep the  tradition of “teaching” while toasted alive. Before “classes” our “teachers” hid in the “teacher’s lounge”. A few privileged and trusted servants delivered the aristocracy food and beverage Downton Abbey style. Once upon a time, I had imagined the royalty planning the evening’s secret esoteric teaching in that room, perhaps meditating and praying together. Instead, I guess, they were gossiping and consuming libations; perhaps some were rolling joints and blowing enlightened smoke rings before making a grand appearance in the “classroom”.

“Class” always unfolded via the same bi-weekly ritual: we waited in the “classroom” silently, reverently, for a “teacher”; eventually, either “teacher” Michael would appear and announce, “Time for TAI CHI.”, OR “teacher” Paul would appear and announce “Time for BODY WORK.” We few, we proletariat, would dutifully file into another room to either, follow Michael through the tai chi form, or “move every part of our body in circles” on Paul’s instruction. Once we plebs were sufficiently “relaxed” the “teacher” would send us silently padding into the “classroom”. There we would await (in silence, of course) the grand entrance of whomever was heading the evening’s lesson — don’t leak, no unnecessary talking, no fraternizing!

After several minutes of silence, a more highly evolved being would stroll in and take his/her seat at the front of the room. Usually, that “teacher” would announce, “Let’s read self observations.” We would kill a good first hour, or so, reading out of our “self-observation notebooks”, essentially confessing our sinful, broken, dysfunctional, coarse and heavy thoughts and/or “negative emotions.”

Academic cult researchers reveal this routine as typical cult techniques. The “body work” and/or tai chi are hypnotic devices that make the “student body” more susceptible; the reading of “self observations” convenient confessions so leadership could hone in and utilize our weaknesses towards the higher purpose of world domination… “Oh, my Grandma, what big teeth you have!” … ” The better to eat you with, my dear!” Humiliation, and fear of humiliation, proved a very effective social engineering tool within the hallowed halls. I guess you would have to be inebriated to justify this manipulation as necessary for “evolution” year after year.

In thinking about drug use in “school”, I remembered a scene from early in my tenure.  As a newbie, or “younger student” (“school” was still courting me at this phase) a fellow “classmate” escorted me to a “class outside of class” — another brand of “all-night-school-party”. The drug-free magic of the evening had me giddy with wonder, a true believer, but my euphoria was briefly interrupted. An “older student” and “teacher” stopped to chat with me; as they zealously expounded on the benefits of “school” and how happy they were for me , an unmistakeable pot smell permeated and circled us. When they walked away, the cloud did too. I felt confused and disappointed; but — as was typical — then I thought, “They must know something that I don’t know about smoking pot.”

It’s amazing to now see how quickly I dismissed my doubts and blinded myself to these inconsistencies; I really wanted to believe in “school”!

Morph 2: The Non Fraternization Policy
Morph 3: Drug Use
Morph 4: Recruitment, or “Making New Friends”